Dark times

i wanna leave them all behind. well, not tottaly. gusto ko nang umalis, asikasuhin sarili kong buhay.prepare this old age thing. but i just cant.

i cant buy the things i wanted to even if i have the money, my hard earned money because i have to prioritize my family.

so i just cant.

i wanna go to this place because i just had this commission. instead i would rush to the bank because i have to prioritize my family.

so i just cant.

i was talking to my cousin this morning. i told her should Amante ask me to stay or rather move with him, i would say yes.

she said, i just cant. i cant, yet. i have to think it a thousand times more.

i wanna leave it all behind. im not bein impulsive with my decisions.

im just getting tired of what im having right now. im tired of this daily routine. im tired, burned out, unproductive and getting too messed up. what worries me most is that i might do something stupid taht could hurt those i love the most.

and when im into this mode, i have to really prioritize. st aside my life, and count my blessings!

1.) i have a career. its not promising, the company is ( nalulugi na)..the employees here never experienced appraisal. we never did. no salary increase at par. the management team, and sad to say, those who are really competitive, did manage to move on and leave this comapny. and me? uim still here, holding on..because i just cant risk resigning and wake up having nothing at all.

so i just cant resign. not yet.

2.) i do have a bachelors pad. which im paying the rent every month religiously. i live alone. i dont have a roomate. i do have the liberty to do what i feel is gud for me. i can go home anytym i want, i can sleep and be very lazy if i wanted to. I can invite people to my place anytime with no one to think of. And this is dependent on the kind of job im havin.

so i just can't leave this. not yet.

i'm just wasted, burned and tottaly exhausted. exhausted from all the pressures im havin. and im not really interested in anything yet. im losing focus. and i need some time off.

i just wish things would get better.