Its dark within...i'm being blind

sex is like drugs...you can say NO to it.

Last week was pretty rough for me. and this week was a bit of everything. I get moody sometimes, most is I feel the gooffy thing of being single. But in total, i cannot escape the awkward feelings of being alone. somehow, someway..i resort to this smily mask i wear almost every now and then. and the feeling just get too shitty the most part.

Last sat, my goal was to catch the sleep i deserve. like im ready to devour sleeping pills. not really minding if i will wake up again or not. I simply txted carlo that i need to be alone. maybe alone to the extent of being alone 6 feet under. yup, thats the dark side of me..i tend to be suicidal. and yes, i live alone. the heck of me.

The twist was, on the last minute of leaving the ofis, I and Dodong was invited to Giligans because our teammate passed the Nursing Board exam. Ok. we went there since weve never been to giligans. we had a couple of beers. i got intoxicated easily. good thing dodong was wid me, he balanced the uneasiness in me, i just dont know if hes aware of what hes done.

ok. we head straight to Dodongs apartment. There the usual sat drinking session is on going. ok. I was all smiles, having fun..being goofy all the time,. i dont wanna have the impression thatIm suffering a lot. well, i am. hey, I just have a break up.

my goal was be alone and catch a lot of sleep. but i was surrounded by my friends drinking, getting drunk and having it all stripped down to what seems a never ending free flow of red horse. then the next thing i know was its morning. Dodong was at my side. I passed out. I was tottaly drunk, and most of the time, i dont know what Ive done.

So? was I saved from those sleeping pills?

Yes. and tommorow is weekend again. Im just unsure what stupid things i can do to myself. the fog of uneasiness envelops me. Im just tired of being alone. maybe...

maybe im already a danger to myself. Prayer and my friends is my ultimate refuge.