Feb 2009

sa fone ko. ang mga pics nmin ni amante ay nka save sa folder wer i named FINALLY....I BELEIVE!!!

Nsa jip kmi ni brian pauwi wen Amante says its over. Its something im prepared to....ready for the worst....and parang wala akong naramdamang pain. i swear..parang nabunutan pa nga ako ng tinik. maybe becoz umiyak nko, and i askd for the strength that i need. anyways yun...tahimik lang kami ni dodong, i need d silence best. i dont have to talk, i dont have to say anything to justify my feelings at that very momment..basta kelangan ko lang ng katahimikan.

"its official, ala n kmi ni amante..."

i send dis txt to close friends..plain and simpple. yun lang...may mga nagreply to give me comfort and all...but all i need is silence. feeling ko namatayan ako ng isa sa importanteng bahagi ng aking pagkatao. and i have to endure it in silence, however, im too brave and nagdunonong dunongan n naman ako, or yet insensitive..in short, manhid.

as i write this entry, i can say that im a different person now. im sick and tired of the drama...ayoko ko din umiyak uli. i dont deserve to suffer, i honestly dont think i wud endure great pain or somethiing...kumbaga, im not that affected at all. di tulad nung naghiwalay kami ni leo, parang nasira ang mundo ko dat tym. nawala ako sa focus and all, pero ngayon, i dnt think so.

sa ngayon, single nko uli...and im gonna be very busy for the next days to come on losing weight and achieving the body i deserve. and i know it cud change d perspective on how i do my lifestyle here. ....yup, first project ko ang pagbabalik ko s gym. next is im gonna party and cruise hahaha im single anyway...i even stop wearing the ring amante gave me.

hmmmmmmm Sahid?

Its ash wednesday. I went on with my regular mass/ prayer meeting activity at megamall.something that Im used to do now. however, this wednesday mass is something rather special for some reasons.

Its ash wednesday. start na ng cuaresma. ok. ngayon ko lamang naisipan na kelangan pala mag Ayuno. pero kaninang lunh break sa pantry, para akong baboy na kumakain ng ulam mula kay ate kye, tetet and dodong..not to mention ung baon ko. pero technically, i was able to observed faSTing and abstinence. kc ung lunch eh thursday na ng madaling araw, alas dos actually. hehe

"Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there "

Eto pa, sobrang bigat tlga ng dibdib ko and all. like kelangan na nitong sumabog. pero, sa simbahan lang din ako naiyak. ayaw kong makita nila akong umiiyak.(eeiiwww nkakahiya LOL)..basta ang alam ko, after ako lagyan ng krus sa noo eh madami pang tao n nakapila and nagsisiksikan.i closed my eyes, say a little prayer, and yun na, naiyak nko ng bonggang bonga. and heck humagulhol tlga ako, my head covered by my hanky, trying hard not to create that obvious sound, or make me an attention seeker. i cried, asking Him this same thing, my Partner, my love, my Amante.

" I've been around enough to know
That dreams don't turn to gold
And that there is no easy way
No you just can't run away..."

lumabas ako ng simbahan, carlo is waiting for me. may usapan na kami na magkita after d mass. matagal na din kami di nagkita, nagkausap. at nakakahiya kasi magang maga ang mata ko, watery pa nga eh. cry baby tlga ako. pag ako umiyak, i get too emotional. umiyak lamang ako ng bongga sa simbahan.

Sa podium n kami nkapag usap ni Carlo. I told him everything. nkakagaan ng loob. he listened and gave his point of view, more of his advice. bago kami naghiwalay i was assured na Im rerady for anything worst. anyway, im a strong person. im beautiful inside and out haha.

"
One of these nights
We'll I'll hear your voice again
Your gonna say
How much u miss me
You'll walk out this door
But someday you'll walk back in
Darling I know I know this will be"

pero mahal ko tlaga si Amante. pag naka move on nako at bumalik sya, i swear..gudbye means gudbye...hello and gubye will be said in one sentence!!!!

Im afraid. to no avail i do wanna lose him. i love him now. i swear i do love him. its something that im proud of. i have learned to love and be loved. i know for a fact now that im a normal human being. funny thou, but yes...im in love with him..

and at somepoint of our relationship. bigla na lamang akong natakot na mawala ang Amante ko. something im not prepared to happen. and i still wish, up to this very momment...ahhh mahirap namn mag pitch na naluluha ka.....up to this very momment then that I realized the value of him. ung essence na merong kang minamahal, ung essence na mahal ka rin ng taong mahal mo...ung point na ramdam nyo ang pagmamahal. ....

"....wala sayo ang diperensya, nasa akin, ayoko na madamay ka sa kalituhan ko...sa mga problema ko..magusap tayo bukas..."

kung sa sales, ang tawag dito ay buying signal, i jz nid to probe more to have an affirmative answer or to have a definite YES.

pero sa txt sakin ni Amante, malinaw na gusto na nyang pagusapan namin ang hiwalayan thing. because it could be that..napepressure na sya masyado sa work nya, padagdag pa ako sa bigat...magulo lang ang isip niya...or simply put..our relationship is a BIG LIE!!!!

"maybe you deserve somebody else..napakabait mong tao, at masyado na akong nagiging unfair sayo..."

sinabi ko kay brian na im guilty as charged na nagkakagusto ako sa ibang lalaki. at si sahid yun. alam ni sahid na may gusto ako sa kanya. bestfriend ni brian si sahid. mas naging malapit kami ni sahid as friends by being honest to him about what i feel for him...and only last night monday, wen i had decided n kakalimutan kna si Sahid, not our friendship, but my feelings for him...alam din ni Sahid yun, its more like a Bday gift for Amante....

now the question is..Bakit ngayon pa?

masama pala talaga sa health ang masaktan..or even the feelings of masasaktan kapa lamang...or when you anticipate for something Bad.

sabi ko kay connie...ayokong kumanta ng Love will lead you back.

Amante, Im not gonna let you go. ipaglalaban kita. i know this is the time when you need me most.

Im a fan of Arnel Pineda..he makes me proud being a filipino!

ayun sa Wikipedia...

"Arnel Pineda (born September 5, 1967) is a Filipino singer-songwriter and is currently the lead singer of the American rock band Journey.[1] Pineda has enjoyed a successful musical career in Asia for the last 25 years. His singing style was influenced by Steve Perry (once of Journey), John Farnham (Little River Band), Freddie Mercury (Queen), Sting (The Police), Survivor, Heart, The Beatles, Van Halen, Aerosmith, U2, Warrant, Deep Purple, and other bands along these genres.[2]"

JOURNEY WELCOMES ARNEL PINEDA
WITH “OPEN ARMS” TO THEIR FAMILY
AS THE BAND’S NEW LEAD SINGER

i love the song open arms...damn napapamura ako. hehe.

anyways..the early life of Arnel Pineda includes..

"Arnel Pineda was born in Sampaloc, Manila, in the Philippines. His mother instilled his love for singing at an early age, encouraging him to sing along to songs from her favorite singers like Karen Carpenter and Barbra Streisand. Growing up, his parents entered him in many singing contests..."

and...until

December 5, 2007 -- After much speculation…the wait is finally over.

JOURNEY--Neal Schon (guitar), Jonathan Cain (keyboards), Ross Valory (bass), Deen Castronovo (drums)--is proud to introduce fans all over the world to their new lead singer, Arnel Pineda (“pin-eh-da”). He replaces Jeff Scott Soto, who parted ways with the band earlier this year after stepping in for Steve Augeri, who had to leave the band in 2006 for medical reasons.

pero ten years ago, Arnel Pineda was indeed a recording artist...ito sya oh....

gold hair..kapal ng make up.. :P
i was even wondering..paminta ba sya before? lol

Happy hearts Day..

hayyy Valentines day n nman. and as expected, ala pa din ang aking mahal na Amante. Hes still in Vietnam. haaayy i cant wait for hte 19th to come. pagdating nya nlng cguro kmi mag celebrate ng mga namiss nmin. which includes...

jan 10, - my 25th bday
feb 5, - our 5th month of loving each other
and now, feb 14 - valentines day.

I swear, this is the first time n hindi ako single sa Valentines day. however, ala naman sya sa Pilipinas.

on the other hand, alam ko namang marami kaming dapat isipin and iprioritize. this day actually serves more like a mask to cover up the stress. And im loving this...medyo excited lang naman ako sa mga mangyayari.

c Sahid. he makes me smile. Hes making me realize that being gay and out is not a hindrance to have a good friendship wid a straight guy. khit alam nyang may gusto ako sa kanya. sana lang wag akong ma inlove sa kanya ng bongga.

c Amante, what can i say about him. mahal ko ang tao. tamaan ka nga naman ng lintek.

happy hearts day sa inyong dalawa. happy valentines day sa lahat.....