Mar 2009

my bestfriend Manga (connie) and I decided to go home this Holy week together sa BIkol. last time we went home was during our christmas holidays. Gosh, summer na pala. I was too busy nursing my whole me to notice we deserved some break. Camariner Sur water complex (CWC) here we come!!!! excited naman daw ako.

born and raised ako sa Camarines sur. I was 22 yrs old when i left for manila after graduation sa Ateneo. During my High school and college days, lagi kaming nagtotour sa Capitol ng Camarines sur, which is in Pili, the town before Naga. on going pa ang pagdevelop ng CWC noon so medyo di kpa naapreciate ang ganda nito. Everytime n may mga tour sina Mama (school teachers) lagi din silang pumupunta dito. I think this have become a must to them. I beleive may ginawa din ang Administration ng man made cave, man made lagoon, a huge butterfly farm, may hanging bridge din, ahhh di ko na alam. Pride ng Camarines sur yata ito.

eto ung top view na nakuha ko sa net ng CWC.

Marami na ring mga show sa GMA at ABSCBN na dito ang location, not to mention ang mga showbiz events. If im not mistaken, meron special episode ang bubble gang dito.At ang nakakairitang issue recently lang ni Raymond G. where has was caught on video kissing a girl named carla H...ahaha para lng ma justify na hindi sya bakla. eiwww eh sya nga ung na blind item n may kahalikang boy and girl.haha anyways maganda tlaga sa CWC.

quality time na rin namin ito ng mga college friends nmin. Buray and bugoy will be joining us ahaha maghahanap daw sila ng BF. hahahah

I wanna try wakeboarding.. carry ko kaya.? pa macho effect? or baka mabagok ang ulo ko maging straight pko paggising ko.....or bka sabihin ko na "i see dead people" after kong mabagok ahahaha

oh yeah. ang night life. dapat overnght kami para sulit naman ang bakasyon. so when was the last time i got to enjoy the night life in Bikol? hmmmnnn

Apat lang cguro kami nitong magbobonding. Kung may sumamang Datu at dodong, naku ansaya ko cguro. anyways Bday ng Datu sa April 12. April 8-9 ang plan namin pumunta. carry ko kayang mangimbita...? (why am i such a proud fag n lagi n lng nangingimbita everytm n uuwi ako haha )

Excited nako magtampisaw sa kakaibang tubig sa aking probinsyang sinilangan.

I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure, and minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in, so they can get laid. And they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go find yourself a pretty little girl... and get married.

Brian Kinney - Queer as folks

nung last visit ko sa palawan..natatawa ako sa nangyari. dat was the first wikend of being single..so alone on this sleepless sunday nyt, i opt to visit Palawan to have some gud laugh..and maybe dance my way to recovery ahaha...nasa sulok ako ng 2nd floor, near the dj booth sipping my beer when someone sat beside me as I was laughing out loud with the jokes delivered onstage. Hmmmnnn medyo madilim sa side nya, kumbaga against the light so i had a hard time n usisain ang itsura nya. naka sleeveless shirt sya, jeans and some accesories on his neck and wrist. i swear malikot ang kamay nya, parang may sariling buhay..anyways, ganto un..EDz was his name, according to him..which i care less.

tawa ako ng tawa nung lumapit sya sakin and have my attention..

Edz: hi nakakatawa talaga sila noh?

me: oo. pero aminin mo ung kakornihan ang mas nakakatawa.

Edz: R U alone?

(tingin ako sa kaliwa at kanan ko....)
me: yah Im alone. something wrong?

Edz: nope. its just that when you laugh, you sometimes fake it. How are you doin?

(ay ateh mo, tumaas ang kilay ko..embyerna ang lola mo, hmmmnn teka nga..)
me: Oh really, who are you to say that? and honestly, Id rather be alone..you can leave now!ok?

Edz: ahaha alryt, Ive been watching you from that corner and...

Me: its quite dark here. someone would have a hard time knowing whos here or whats in here.

Edz: but not me..I find you alone, im alone as well, so maybe we can have..

Me: look whoever you are, Id rather be alone. Im sorry but im not interested ...

pagkasabi ko nito ay bigla namang dumaan yung umiikot na liwanag hahaha diko alam tawag nito, ung sa disco light dat roams the floor, yun medyo natapat sya sa mukha namin..ay keri nman pala si kuya. at mabango. haha the fact na medyo accentuated ang english, i have d impression n sa call center sya or somehow may dating..

suddenly, dumilim ang buong place, ung stage lang ang naiwanan ng liwanag kasi may kakantang customer. anlakas ng tunog kaya di kna naririnig ang sinasabi nya..so i move closer to him, my ear an inch away from his lips. as he try to persuade his intention. then i smell his fragrance. heres a sexy, hot smelling guy trying to be friendly but im pushing him away, what the hell am i doing....?

Edz: I said, your beer..maybe you want some more, my treat..

hes all smile kahit sinabihan ko na syang id rather be alone..bka hindi nya ako narinig..sana di nya ako narinig ahaha

i smiled back, raised my bottle to check if may laman pa sya..its almost empty n nga..i finished it. he cleared my lips wid his finger, his stare was teasing me, so much wid his grin and before pa sya nakatawag ng waiter ( which is sometimes hard bcoz of the crowd )..he grab me na and had dis kiss. it wasnt a simple kiss, its a kiss dat almost lasted forever..echus. sarap naman kasi humalik ni kuya mo. good kisser sya..or maybe i was a simple wanderer, alone longing for some comp...yeah haha to justifies this which i dont think is necessary, im there to have fun. Im just doin my thing. Im single, alryt.

so yun na, we really didnt talk dat much after dat kiss...bcoz d kiss continue to dominate us ahaha damn i must admit its really cool. so when was the last time i flirted and get this shot..oh Im having my night.

until we noticed that some are watching us..eerrr public exhibitionist? so i humbly asked him to stop..hes kinda obedient ahaha again we talked.

Edz: im edz wid a Z..whats your name?

me: im ernie. how are you Edzzzz? why are you alone at 2am sunday hre in Palawan?

Edz: well, maybe we have the same reason why. i should say you kiss like a pro?

me: ahaha what? like a porn star kissing..? like this...?

ahaha nkakatuwa kasi parang lasing na rin yata ako,.and im simply submitting to his game..however, it turns out im d master hes a follower. .....the drag queens are now performing onstage..theyr hilarious

Edz: can I have your no.?

me: what for?

Edz: you dont want me to have your no.?

ewan pero uminit ang ulo ko for no apparent reason at all..or is it the beer ahaha

me: why would you have my no.? ill know for sure tomorrow,or a couple of hours from now..you wont care who youve suck at this corner of this club..because Edzzzz its just fuck were looking for..nothing more nothing less..just FUCK!!!

Edz: you caught me offguard!

naloka sya sa sinabi ko..its too obvious di yun expected..pati ako nabigla kaya alam n alam ko pa din word for word ang litanya ng lola mo.

me: really? look..i just have a break up with my partner a couple of days ago..and hre I am kissing a complete stranger..and hey, im having fun..thanks to you Edz or whoever you are...now..kiss me!!!

i swear naluha ako when i said dos words. medyo lasing nko talaga. amdami na rin sya naorder na beer. Im doing him a favor, or so i thought.

Edz: Im going to the restroom. ill be back, but i dont expect you to be here when i return. But if you are..Ill be very glad.

he kissed me again before he left. its like asking me to wait for his return. ok I did not move, i waited for him.

pagbakabalik nya, bumulong sya sakin...

"Tara, wag tayo dito..gusto mong sumama sakin sa place ko..maraming nakatingin satin...."

I did not answer. i kissed him again. gave my no..

"....Im flattered by what your doing. i nid you to understand that im not yet ready for sex. not tonyt..i dont know when..just txt me ok?...I really have to go.."

sa taxi pauwi...naluha n naman ako habang binabasa ang mga txt ni Amante. mga saved messages sa inbox ko..i started to delete them one by one..hoping.

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Drama queen ba ako? ahaha Edz called me the next night. we talked...and thats it.

sex is like drugs...you can say NO to it.

Last week was pretty rough for me. and this week was a bit of everything. I get moody sometimes, most is I feel the gooffy thing of being single. But in total, i cannot escape the awkward feelings of being alone. somehow, someway..i resort to this smily mask i wear almost every now and then. and the feeling just get too shitty the most part.

Last sat, my goal was to catch the sleep i deserve. like im ready to devour sleeping pills. not really minding if i will wake up again or not. I simply txted carlo that i need to be alone. maybe alone to the extent of being alone 6 feet under. yup, thats the dark side of me..i tend to be suicidal. and yes, i live alone. the heck of me.

The twist was, on the last minute of leaving the ofis, I and Dodong was invited to Giligans because our teammate passed the Nursing Board exam. Ok. we went there since weve never been to giligans. we had a couple of beers. i got intoxicated easily. good thing dodong was wid me, he balanced the uneasiness in me, i just dont know if hes aware of what hes done.

ok. we head straight to Dodongs apartment. There the usual sat drinking session is on going. ok. I was all smiles, having fun..being goofy all the time,. i dont wanna have the impression thatIm suffering a lot. well, i am. hey, I just have a break up.

my goal was be alone and catch a lot of sleep. but i was surrounded by my friends drinking, getting drunk and having it all stripped down to what seems a never ending free flow of red horse. then the next thing i know was its morning. Dodong was at my side. I passed out. I was tottaly drunk, and most of the time, i dont know what Ive done.

So? was I saved from those sleeping pills?

Yes. and tommorow is weekend again. Im just unsure what stupid things i can do to myself. the fog of uneasiness envelops me. Im just tired of being alone. maybe...

maybe im already a danger to myself. Prayer and my friends is my ultimate refuge.

Im miles away from being sick of this so called BREAK UP wid Amante. Ive moved on. Im a stronger person now. No more drama. period.

I can smile the way i used to. No pretentions at all.

its time i face myself. upgrade whatever i need to do. change is crucial to me.

My pad for a year and 3 months is getting annoying. its getting boring there. i dont see any reason why i should extend my stay on that unit. I need a new place to live. Plus the rent..i do have Php2,500.00 for the basic rent, the unexplainable electricity bill that reaches of up to 800.00 plus..and the fixed 100.00 for the water. damn thats quite annoying na on my end kasi parang di na sya practikal. and to make things worst...ayoko sa pagmamaldita ng landlady, bka makatikim sya sakin ng bongang bongang litanya.... hindi maipaliwanag ang rate na binibigay nila sa electricity bills....and im just tired of the place.

Dodong offered me na lumipat sa kanila. actually twice na itong offer sakin. nung una, i decline kasi plan n namin ni Amante na lumipat kami sa isang pad. Pangalawa, kami pa nga ni Amante, basta....and pangatlo natatakot ako na baka hindi maging maganda ang kahihinatnan ng paglipat ko. i swear i treasure our friendship much.

kanina, he offered me again their place. napaisip naman ako. Bakit nga ba hindi. I have all the reason to grab the oppurtunity na. kaso umaarte na naman ako....

Dodong: bat di ka lumipat samin..pwede naman ah?

ako: ewan ko. gusto mo ba na lumipat ako sainyo?

dodong: yayayain ba kita kung ayaw ko?

ako: eh sila ba gusto akong makasama sa bahay?

dodong: tanongin ko muna sila.

ako: hindi ka pa pala sigurado, pinapalipat mo na ako.

dodong: bat di ka magpakamatay.

ako: bat ka ba nang aaway? inaano ba kita?

dodong: break na. kakain ka?

ako: tara!

ayokong lumipat na hindi justified ang reason ko. lilipat ako for the main reason na gusto kong makatipid sa gastos. lumalaki na ang obligasyon ko and all. pangalawa, im so so tired of living alone . feeling ko, hindi ako nag gogrow or nagmamature within kapag pag dating mo sa bahay after work, ay wala kang makausap, wala kang makahalubilo, or simply put...you are so alone in your box.

sahid is living wid Dodong, so as mami joy. Ala naman akong issue kay mami joy. pero kay Sahid meron cguro...hmmnnn not that big pero..... makakasapak siguro ako, or mapapaaway ako if ever na makalipat ako sa kanila tapos ang notion is kaya ako lumipat dahil gusto kong mapalapit kay sahid ng husto. Im sorry but again, im not into dat crap...unfair naman yun kay sahid..and labas sa desisyon ko si Sahid.

bahala na si batman. este c darna pala!!!

Its American Idol season once again. Season 8 and just like season 7, i focus more on who made it to the top 12. this season, the elimination for Top 12 was somehow different. anyways...

from the first group....Danny Gokey and Alexis Grace already made an impact on me.

Honestly, Hollywood week pa lng, na caught na ng attention ko si Danny Gokey. Could he be the next American idol....? Powerful vocal...may character ang lolo mo. not to mention cute sya dito.

Alexis Grace was superb. Her vocal remind me of Carly Smithson of season 7.

Adam Lambert...spell EMO hehe... iba din ang Emotion n lumalabas kung sya ay mag perform. Birit kung biritan na ang essence ay rock and roll..

and hre comes Kris Allen. damn hes hot hot hot!!! kamukha nya si Ruff. my friend from college, way back Ateneo days hahaha. His vocals? Powerful as well. gwapo nito, laglag ang dapat malaglag nung kumakanta ang lolo mo during the elimination round 2nd group ...

may nabasa akong article about American idol...things dat we could from this show. and i would agree na ala kang maitulak kabigin sa talent nila kung makapasok kna sa Top 12. parang nagkakalabanan n lamang kung anong klaseng attitude meron ka every time na kumakanta ka. on how you would react to the judges is a big thing to consider...

Pero yung Philippine version ng American idol, ung Pinoy Idol....sad to say, I feel disgusted by the show..nakakairita ang performance, alang kwenta ang pinagsasabi ng mga jugdes especially jolina and dat old fag hog...and to make things worst...c raymond Guttierez pa ang Host. eiwwww no wonder walang nakitang improvements sa mga nakapasok sa Top 12. Kumpara naman sa PDA n talagang nag s stand out ang mga nananalo..pero ok lang...Pinoy Idol was completely FORGETTABLE!!!