syempre apply to d max ako. sa TRG and HTMT..haggard ang proceso, tutuyuin ang utak mo, ala nman kwenta ang kinalabasan...sa HTMT may bond daw, and if i failed to qualify sa first campaign, bagsak ko ay yung campaign na 13k lng. ok nman si ateh mong recruitent at naintindihan nya when i say NO. sa TRG naman haggard kung haggard. nkakaloka ang interview. i swear, theres dis guy there, he want me to become a talking brochure when i get to ops and its a No No lalo na kung outbound ka, anyway..huwud want to listen to a talking brochure, dba dapat consultative selling? hehe ewan..i was there around 2pm...natapos ang final interview ko almost 2am na din. and its a complete disaster.

so i said, why not try dis tym sa mas stable and more OK call center. ..fast forward...nagtatraining nko sa Peoples support. and its good. i dont regret the wait especially if your waiting for your job offer. hehe

I look forward to a wonderful stay at aegis people support.

and damn, andami akong nakikitang gwapo...pero kay Sahid pa din ako haha!!!

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a lot of things happen between us that actually shape this thing called friendship. He was one of those who helped me cope up with the break up that almost crashed my focus. and eventually, ived move on. Hes one of the reason why its easy as i thought was impossible. and hes special and close to my heart.

April 23, 2009 is his 23rd birthday ( according to his friendster hes only 23). Im not fond of giving gifts unless that person matters a lot. simpleng mga tao lang naman kami haha so when i drop by their place, theyre eating dinner with veggies as their ulam. so plain, so simple and very human to spend his birthday. but i guess the celebration would be this weekend.hehe and there you go, I handed him the gift.he thought it was a book. but he did not expect it would be his favorite one. The book was Letters to sam by Daniel Gottlieb.

he knew the book was hard to found. I look it over ebay, i tried bookstore hopping hoping to chance a copy..but theres no stock available. But patience is a virtue, until I got my copy.. thank goodness. So when i handed him the book, I was thrilled by what im feeling. gosh hes close to kissing me haha..he gave me his sweetest thank you.

I receive a txt message from him, again another thank you. i replied..bcause your special.

eto sya oh..kalbo!!

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"Life is like a box of chocolates.you never know what you gonna get."
-Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump was one of my favorite film when I was in high School. If we were asked to make a movie review, I would pick this film. Damn I swear its really really fantastic. hehe

Yesterday, i happen to read the whole movie script and I just cant stop myself. anganda I swear..buti nlng walang nakakahalata. Akala ng katabi ko, may problema ako kc tahimik ko daw at nahihiya syang mang istorbo. haha

"Momma always had a way of explaining things so I could understand them." Forrest Gump

true enough, ang mga nanay natin ay sadyang matalino sa pagpapaintindi satin ng mga bagay bagay hehe specially my mom, well, shes a teacher. I remember uso ang bedtime stories sa mga bata wherein nagbabasa ng kwento ang mga nanay natin hanggang sa makatulog tayo, si mama hindi..shes making kwento and it wont make me sleep kasi discussion yun, she make it a point dat i make tanong so she knows if im following or not. she had her way of explaining things so i could understand dem.

Di ako masyadong pasaway nung bata ako, pero kapag pasaway daw ako, tyak palo ang aabutin ko sa tatay ko..pero mas masakit ang palo ni mama. when i was in high school, kapag may kalokohan akong ginagawa, di na ako pinapalo syempre..emotional attack na ang ginagawa sakin ni mama. she would talk to me and cry. na para bang ansama sama kong tao. true enough, narerealize ko ang mali ko. and dat made me a better person. see, she has a way of explaining things so i could understand dem.

I love You mama..your the best mom.kpag tinitxt ko sya ng ganto, expect mo ang I love you too. shes has her way of assuring me na kahit bakla ang panganay nya, di niya ako kinakahiya. she has her way of explaining things so i could understand of family.

"Just Run away. Forrest" Jenny

Running away from something that could ruin your character or life is not bad. even if could make the coward out of you. maraming instances na akong tumakbo ng tumakbo para lang mailigtas sarili ko sa kapahamakan.

I was bullied during my elementary days. sadyang maraming mga siga na classmate namin and i had my fair share of terrible encounter with them. hehe pero ngayon, kpag nababalitaan ko kung ano na nangyayari sa buhay nila hahaha palakpakan ang mga dukha. most of them are really terrible in dealing with their poor lousy life. hehe bilog ang mundo mga ate. magkwentuhan na lng tayo kung ano ang lifestyle meron ang mga dukha. hmmmnnnn world peace!!!

anyways, if theres one thing that actually rings a bell after reading the whole movie script..its about being man of your own word..being true to your promises. I swear minsan dito ako palpak.

Im just glad merong movie na Forrest Gump.bow

kiss kiss kiss!!!

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yah i went home during this long holy wik vacation. and true to our plan...nag bakasyon engrande ako..spend quality time wid my family and friends..and yes,i deserved to relax, refresh and release.

wednsday morning, nagbyahe n kami ni Iw pauwing bikol. Daytrip nman daw kami kaya bonggang inabot kami ng traffic and since Holy Week n nga sya so andaming bumabyahe.

Maundy Thursday..CWC days. I guess we make the most of this..super picture perfect tlga kami.

i was wid Iw, rhaldz ( looka a like sya ni bugoy hehe ala sya s pics) ariane ( Tutot girl ) and her cousin. I forgot her name im sorry. im hard wid names. i swear. This foreigner happened to pass by while were taking pictures and we asked him to join us. willing nman ang lolo mo. turned out hes from Germany. Sarap ng katawan nya noh?

may mga artista rin sa CWC dat tym. and sheeet na shit angwapo at ansarap ni Paolo Paraiso. nahiya nman daw kami magpapicture sa paraparaan n lamang. pero kay Joey marquez di na kami nahiya.

nagswimming pa kami sa man made lagoon dun, named after our governor i think.lagoon del ray is a surprise to me. i cant believe sobrang masaya sa place na yun. eto oh, anlaki ng slide.

kahit saan pag feel kong bumukaka, bubukaka talaga ako.hahaha

friday na kami nakauwi. we spend the night sa Villa Carangahan, sa place nila Arian. ok lng naman..solo namin ang lugar. inuman to the max kami. hu cares..im on vacation.

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una yung pinakasimple lng..itlog at pandesal wid kape or gatas na ang palaman daw ay Butter na darry cream...masyadong jologs haha not my type.

pangalawa: french toast daw na may kung anong chenes..di kna matandaan kasi di ko alam panu mag prepare ng french toast

panagtlo yung scrambled egg wid sardinas daw na mag aala pizza daw dhil ilalagay mo sya sa bread..

or yung omelette daw na may patatas..

nagtataka ang ofismate ko kasi bkit daw parang nakatanga lang ako at parang walang alam sa pagluto.sinagot kna lamang sya ng "oo teh, tama ka. never akong nagawi sa kusina para matutong magluto nung mga panahon na kaya pang iabsord ng utak ko ang term na cooking"!!! natawa naman ang belat hehe.

ang ending ay bumili nlng ako ng isang kilong chicken wings at niluto yun lahat ni Sahid. haha and it was a very good breakfast wid dodong having all the fun he could get from our company.

I swear..ngayon ko lang talaga nararamdaman ang kahalagahan ng pagluluto.

kung marunong lang sana akong magluto..mapapatunayan kong tama ang kasabihang..the best way to a man's heart is thru his stomach..or its the other way around ba? hahaha

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MIss Universe Parade of beauties!!!

Beauties of Asia and the Pacific:

Boom! Kabum! Kablam!...AFGHANISTAN!

Harutan, Laplapan, Ariputan…JAPAN!

Mula sa lupa na kulang ang bigas, sandamakmak na mandurugas…PILIPINAS!

King Kong, Kangkong, Korikong…HONG KONG!

(Acting as Mongoloid) Eeehhh aaahhhh…MONGOLIA!

Saan ang gimik? Sa Megamall or sa Glorietta?...SAMOA!

Red Tea, Green Tea, Iced Tea…TAHITI!

Ako ay bonggang-bongga, Walang kasing bongga, from…TONGA!

Amnesia, Anesthesia...INDONESIA!

One little, Two little, Three little…INDIA!

Singaone, Singatwo, Singathree...SINGAPORE

Taifour, Taithree, Taitwo...TAIWAN!

Tama ako, tama ka, tama tayong lahat...MALAYSIA!

Aray ko po, aray ko po, wag nyo po akong saktan...KAZAKHSTAN!

Parang Spam, Brick Ham, at Chinese Ham…ako ay malinamnam...VIETNAM!

Hindi na In, Hindi na Sikat, eh ano sya?... LAOS!

Move over Lutong Bahay…Here comes Lutong…MACAU!

Beauties of Europe:

EDSA, Ayala, Buendia…ESPAÑA!

Alms…spare me a piece of bread…I am...HUNGARY!

Mula sa bansa na unang nagpauso ng po, opo, at mano po…POLAND

One way, two way, there’s no other way...NORWAY!

Seduce me…I’m not Amy Perez, I’m Amy…AUSTRIA!

Palagi na lang ako…ako…ako...MONACO!

Taliba, Tiktik, People’s Tonight…BULGARIA!

Beauties of the Americas:

Baha doon, baha dito, baha sa buong mundo...BAHAMAS!

Ola! Areola! Arinola! Kaserola!...VENEZUELA!

Mula sa Bayan ng mapupulang Gumamela…GUATEMALA!

Tang ina mo wag kang pasaway...PARAGUAY!

Anna Karenina, Flor De Luna…ARGENTINA!

Ako po ang nawawalang kapatid ni Majah Salvador at Phillip Salvador…EL SALVADOR!

I'm sorry Sir, I'm sorry Ma'am...SURINAME!

Beauties of Africa:

Hindi sa akin, hindi sa yo, kanino sya?...KENYA!

Alin…alin…alin ang naiba. Isipin kung alin ang…naiba…NAMIBIA!

(Ala Nora Aunor) Isang beses ko lang sasabihin ito…hindi ako si Bembol Roco…MOROCCO!

From the land where nobody is less than nor greater than…SUDAN!

Ako po ay maganda, saksakan ng ganda, putang ina ang ganda from...UGANDA!

i swear halos ilang calls ang prematurely ended dhil sa kakatawa ko...haha

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masaya at masaya at minsan di masyadong masaya pero masaya pa rin ang bakasyon ko last holy wik break..anu yun? haha anyways..yun n nga..nakauwi ako ng bikol wednsday morning and as usual, as expected..PASALUBONG nag sigaw nila!!!!

eh wala akong masyadong nabiling Pili nuts or Pili candy..so d best that i can do is make up d best excuse...at eto yun!!!!

kasi ganto yung nangyari..nag Island Hopping kami nung byernes santo d day after kami mag wakeboarding sa Cam sur water complex..kasi graduation nung classmate ko from college..momment namin kasi to. may pasaway na sumama..ung syota ko nung college who happens to be our common friends pala..syam kami nun.ayun, nagkalasingan..eh gabi pa naman, what would you expect, syempre bukingan na..yung friend ko pla and my ex ay naging sila the time na nagwork nako sa manila.good friends naman daw sila.at para patunayan na di sya balakid saming dalawa, eh gumawa sya ng paraan para maiwan kami sa island resort na yun. like apat lang kami without him..kaming dalawa and two of our very good girl friends. with all the stuff that would let us survived untill easter sunday..walang kuryente, pero meron naman n signal..ayun, sunday afternoon n kami nakauwi..parang survivor lang wid ol the hot wild wet things we could do day and nights...sarap lng talaga! d naman nagalit yung may ari ng cottage na nag extend kami kasi binigyan namin ng pera yung caretaker to shut him up.

ayun..natigil ang paghingi nila ng pili candy..sapagkat..datapwat..subalit..ngunit..ang pasalubong kong Pili candy ay binigay ko lamang sa aking kamahalang datu,...amph!!!

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born and raised ako sa Camarines sur. I was 22 yrs old when i left for manila after graduation sa Ateneo. During my High school and college days, lagi kaming nagtotour sa Capitol ng Camarines sur, which is in Pili, the town before Naga. on going pa ang pagdevelop ng CWC noon so medyo di kpa naapreciate ang ganda nito. Everytime n may mga tour sina Mama (school teachers) lagi din silang pumupunta dito. I think this have become a must to them. I beleive may ginawa din ang Administration ng man made cave, man made lagoon, a huge butterfly farm, may hanging bridge din, ahhh di ko na alam. Pride ng Camarines sur yata ito.

eto ung top view na nakuha ko sa net ng CWC.

Marami na ring mga show sa GMA at ABSCBN na dito ang location, not to mention ang mga showbiz events. If im not mistaken, meron special episode ang bubble gang dito.At ang nakakairitang issue recently lang ni Raymond G. where has was caught on video kissing a girl named carla H...ahaha para lng ma justify na hindi sya bakla. eiwww eh sya nga ung na blind item n may kahalikang boy and girl.haha anyways maganda tlaga sa CWC.

quality time na rin namin ito ng mga college friends nmin. Buray and bugoy will be joining us ahaha maghahanap daw sila ng BF. hahahah

I wanna try wakeboarding.. carry ko kaya.? pa macho effect? or baka mabagok ang ulo ko maging straight pko paggising ko.....or bka sabihin ko na "i see dead people" after kong mabagok ahahaha

oh yeah. ang night life. dapat overnght kami para sulit naman ang bakasyon. so when was the last time i got to enjoy the night life in Bikol? hmmmnnn

Apat lang cguro kami nitong magbobonding. Kung may sumamang Datu at dodong, naku ansaya ko cguro. anyways Bday ng Datu sa April 12. April 8-9 ang plan namin pumunta. carry ko kayang mangimbita...? (why am i such a proud fag n lagi n lng nangingimbita everytm n uuwi ako haha )

Excited nako magtampisaw sa kakaibang tubig sa aking probinsyang sinilangan.

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Brian Kinney - Queer as folks

nung last visit ko sa palawan..natatawa ako sa nangyari. dat was the first wikend of being single..so alone on this sleepless sunday nyt, i opt to visit Palawan to have some gud laugh..and maybe dance my way to recovery ahaha...nasa sulok ako ng 2nd floor, near the dj booth sipping my beer when someone sat beside me as I was laughing out loud with the jokes delivered onstage. Hmmmnnn medyo madilim sa side nya, kumbaga against the light so i had a hard time n usisain ang itsura nya. naka sleeveless shirt sya, jeans and some accesories on his neck and wrist. i swear malikot ang kamay nya, parang may sariling buhay..anyways, ganto un..EDz was his name, according to him..which i care less.

tawa ako ng tawa nung lumapit sya sakin and have my attention..

Edz: hi nakakatawa talaga sila noh?

me: oo. pero aminin mo ung kakornihan ang mas nakakatawa.

Edz: R U alone?

(tingin ako sa kaliwa at kanan ko....)
me: yah Im alone. something wrong?

Edz: nope. its just that when you laugh, you sometimes fake it. How are you doin?

(ay ateh mo, tumaas ang kilay ko..embyerna ang lola mo, hmmmnn teka nga..)
me: Oh really, who are you to say that? and honestly, Id rather be alone..you can leave now!ok?

Edz: ahaha alryt, Ive been watching you from that corner and...

Me: its quite dark here. someone would have a hard time knowing whos here or whats in here.

Edz: but not me..I find you alone, im alone as well, so maybe we can have..

Me: look whoever you are, Id rather be alone. Im sorry but im not interested ...

pagkasabi ko nito ay bigla namang dumaan yung umiikot na liwanag hahaha diko alam tawag nito, ung sa disco light dat roams the floor, yun medyo natapat sya sa mukha namin..ay keri nman pala si kuya. at mabango. haha the fact na medyo accentuated ang english, i have d impression n sa call center sya or somehow may dating..

suddenly, dumilim ang buong place, ung stage lang ang naiwanan ng liwanag kasi may kakantang customer. anlakas ng tunog kaya di kna naririnig ang sinasabi nya..so i move closer to him, my ear an inch away from his lips. as he try to persuade his intention. then i smell his fragrance. heres a sexy, hot smelling guy trying to be friendly but im pushing him away, what the hell am i doing....?

Edz: I said, your beer..maybe you want some more, my treat..

hes all smile kahit sinabihan ko na syang id rather be alone..bka hindi nya ako narinig..sana di nya ako narinig ahaha

i smiled back, raised my bottle to check if may laman pa sya..its almost empty n nga..i finished it. he cleared my lips wid his finger, his stare was teasing me, so much wid his grin and before pa sya nakatawag ng waiter ( which is sometimes hard bcoz of the crowd )..he grab me na and had dis kiss. it wasnt a simple kiss, its a kiss dat almost lasted forever..echus. sarap naman kasi humalik ni kuya mo. good kisser sya..or maybe i was a simple wanderer, alone longing for some comp...yeah haha to justifies this which i dont think is necessary, im there to have fun. Im just doin my thing. Im single, alryt.

so yun na, we really didnt talk dat much after dat kiss...bcoz d kiss continue to dominate us ahaha damn i must admit its really cool. so when was the last time i flirted and get this shot..oh Im having my night.

until we noticed that some are watching us..eerrr public exhibitionist? so i humbly asked him to stop..hes kinda obedient ahaha again we talked.

Edz: im edz wid a Z..whats your name?

me: im ernie. how are you Edzzzz? why are you alone at 2am sunday hre in Palawan?

Edz: well, maybe we have the same reason why. i should say you kiss like a pro?

me: ahaha what? like a porn star kissing..? like this...?

ahaha nkakatuwa kasi parang lasing na rin yata ako,.and im simply submitting to his game..however, it turns out im d master hes a follower. .....the drag queens are now performing onstage..theyr hilarious

Edz: can I have your no.?

me: what for?

Edz: you dont want me to have your no.?

ewan pero uminit ang ulo ko for no apparent reason at all..or is it the beer ahaha

me: why would you have my no.? ill know for sure tomorrow,or a couple of hours from now..you wont care who youve suck at this corner of this club..because Edzzzz its just fuck were looking for..nothing more nothing less..just FUCK!!!

Edz: you caught me offguard!

naloka sya sa sinabi ko..its too obvious di yun expected..pati ako nabigla kaya alam n alam ko pa din word for word ang litanya ng lola mo.

me: really? look..i just have a break up with my partner a couple of days ago..and hre I am kissing a complete stranger..and hey, im having fun..thanks to you Edz or whoever you are...now..kiss me!!!

i swear naluha ako when i said dos words. medyo lasing nko talaga. amdami na rin sya naorder na beer. Im doing him a favor, or so i thought.

Edz: Im going to the restroom. ill be back, but i dont expect you to be here when i return. But if you are..Ill be very glad.

he kissed me again before he left. its like asking me to wait for his return. ok I did not move, i waited for him.

pagbakabalik nya, bumulong sya sakin...

"Tara, wag tayo dito..gusto mong sumama sakin sa place ko..maraming nakatingin satin...."

I did not answer. i kissed him again. gave my no..

"....Im flattered by what your doing. i nid you to understand that im not yet ready for sex. not tonyt..i dont know when..just txt me ok?...I really have to go.."

sa taxi pauwi...naluha n naman ako habang binabasa ang mga txt ni Amante. mga saved messages sa inbox ko..i started to delete them one by one..hoping.

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Drama queen ba ako? ahaha Edz called me the next night. we talked...and thats it.

Maximum of pleasure..Minimum of bullshit remains copyright of the author umbre, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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Last week was pretty rough for me. and this week was a bit of everything. I get moody sometimes, most is I feel the gooffy thing of being single. But in total, i cannot escape the awkward feelings of being alone. somehow, someway..i resort to this smily mask i wear almost every now and then. and the feeling just get too shitty the most part.

Last sat, my goal was to catch the sleep i deserve. like im ready to devour sleeping pills. not really minding if i will wake up again or not. I simply txted carlo that i need to be alone. maybe alone to the extent of being alone 6 feet under. yup, thats the dark side of me..i tend to be suicidal. and yes, i live alone. the heck of me.

The twist was, on the last minute of leaving the ofis, I and Dodong was invited to Giligans because our teammate passed the Nursing Board exam. Ok. we went there since weve never been to giligans. we had a couple of beers. i got intoxicated easily. good thing dodong was wid me, he balanced the uneasiness in me, i just dont know if hes aware of what hes done.

ok. we head straight to Dodongs apartment. There the usual sat drinking session is on going. ok. I was all smiles, having fun..being goofy all the time,. i dont wanna have the impression thatIm suffering a lot. well, i am. hey, I just have a break up.

my goal was be alone and catch a lot of sleep. but i was surrounded by my friends drinking, getting drunk and having it all stripped down to what seems a never ending free flow of red horse. then the next thing i know was its morning. Dodong was at my side. I passed out. I was tottaly drunk, and most of the time, i dont know what Ive done.

So? was I saved from those sleeping pills?

Yes. and tommorow is weekend again. Im just unsure what stupid things i can do to myself. the fog of uneasiness envelops me. Im just tired of being alone. maybe...

maybe im already a danger to myself. Prayer and my friends is my ultimate refuge.

Its dark within...i'm being blind remains copyright of the author umbre, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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I can smile the way i used to. No pretentions at all.

its time i face myself. upgrade whatever i need to do. change is crucial to me.

My pad for a year and 3 months is getting annoying. its getting boring there. i dont see any reason why i should extend my stay on that unit. I need a new place to live. Plus the rent..i do have Php2,500.00 for the basic rent, the unexplainable electricity bill that reaches of up to 800.00 plus..and the fixed 100.00 for the water. damn thats quite annoying na on my end kasi parang di na sya practikal. and to make things worst...ayoko sa pagmamaldita ng landlady, bka makatikim sya sakin ng bongang bongang litanya.... hindi maipaliwanag ang rate na binibigay nila sa electricity bills....and im just tired of the place.

Dodong offered me na lumipat sa kanila. actually twice na itong offer sakin. nung una, i decline kasi plan n namin ni Amante na lumipat kami sa isang pad. Pangalawa, kami pa nga ni Amante, basta....and pangatlo natatakot ako na baka hindi maging maganda ang kahihinatnan ng paglipat ko. i swear i treasure our friendship much.

kanina, he offered me again their place. napaisip naman ako. Bakit nga ba hindi. I have all the reason to grab the oppurtunity na. kaso umaarte na naman ako....

Dodong: bat di ka lumipat samin..pwede naman ah?

ako: ewan ko. gusto mo ba na lumipat ako sainyo?

dodong: yayayain ba kita kung ayaw ko?

ako: eh sila ba gusto akong makasama sa bahay?

dodong: tanongin ko muna sila.

ako: hindi ka pa pala sigurado, pinapalipat mo na ako.

dodong: bat di ka magpakamatay.

ako: bat ka ba nang aaway? inaano ba kita?

dodong: break na. kakain ka?

ako: tara!

ayokong lumipat na hindi justified ang reason ko. lilipat ako for the main reason na gusto kong makatipid sa gastos. lumalaki na ang obligasyon ko and all. pangalawa, im so so tired of living alone . feeling ko, hindi ako nag gogrow or nagmamature within kapag pag dating mo sa bahay after work, ay wala kang makausap, wala kang makahalubilo, or simply put...you are so alone in your box.

sahid is living wid Dodong, so as mami joy. Ala naman akong issue kay mami joy. pero kay Sahid meron cguro...hmmnnn not that big pero..... makakasapak siguro ako, or mapapaaway ako if ever na makalipat ako sa kanila tapos ang notion is kaya ako lumipat dahil gusto kong mapalapit kay sahid ng husto. Im sorry but again, im not into dat crap...unfair naman yun kay sahid..and labas sa desisyon ko si Sahid.

bahala na si batman. este c darna pala!!!

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from the first group....Danny Gokey and Alexis Grace already made an impact on me.

Honestly, Hollywood week pa lng, na caught na ng attention ko si Danny Gokey. Could he be the next American idol....? Powerful vocal...may character ang lolo mo. not to mention cute sya dito.

Alexis Grace was superb. Her vocal remind me of Carly Smithson of season 7.

Adam Lambert...spell EMO hehe... iba din ang Emotion n lumalabas kung sya ay mag perform. Birit kung biritan na ang essence ay rock and roll..

and hre comes Kris Allen. damn hes hot hot hot!!! kamukha nya si Ruff. my friend from college, way back Ateneo days hahaha. His vocals? Powerful as well. gwapo nito, laglag ang dapat malaglag nung kumakanta ang lolo mo during the elimination round 2nd group ...

may nabasa akong article about American idol...things dat we could from this show. and i would agree na ala kang maitulak kabigin sa talent nila kung makapasok kna sa Top 12. parang nagkakalabanan n lamang kung anong klaseng attitude meron ka every time na kumakanta ka. on how you would react to the judges is a big thing to consider...

Pero yung Philippine version ng American idol, ung Pinoy Idol....sad to say, I feel disgusted by the show..nakakairita ang performance, alang kwenta ang pinagsasabi ng mga jugdes especially jolina and dat old fag hog...and to make things worst...c raymond Guttierez pa ang Host. eiwwww no wonder walang nakitang improvements sa mga nakapasok sa Top 12. Kumpara naman sa PDA n talagang nag s stand out ang mga nananalo..pero ok lang...Pinoy Idol was completely FORGETTABLE!!!

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The best gift from a friend.....that would be very useful now that im single.....

is a

vibrator from taiwan.
thanks dear bebang!!!

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The feb issue was somehow a gud read, among other reading materials i plan to spend tym wid, i thot was a blast..very interesting ang issue:

first c pareng barack ang cover.
second may article sila bout Your guide Romance gone wrong..
third, as i open the quotes section, reading them was like me being caught on a spiders web...

ok, im still in distress. im still coping with what had happened. di naman talaga madali ang maka get over sa break up. anyways.....

"LOVE is a piano dropped froma fourth storey window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time" - ANI DIFRANCO "Two little girls"

I was really at the wrong place at the wrong time when we ( me and Amante ) met. I was suspended den because of tardiness. i feel lyk goin out kaya ayun..nahulugan me ng piano at nabagok at nainlove...the rest is history.

" I cant make you love if you dont. I cant make your heart feel something it wont " - BONNIE RAITT " I cant make you love me"

i belib in this. i respect his decision to leave me. i cant make myself fit into something i dont belong..specially if its heart that matters most.

" I love you but i love myself more" - KIM CATTRALL "Sex and the city"

oh ok. the feeling is mutual ahahaha

" The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." EWAN MCGREGGOR " moulin rouge

I did remember just last august when i keep complaining why i cant have myself like someone or love someone para naman mafeel ko na uli ang kilig momments or young essence ng love. I prayed for someone that would give me a twist on this thing. Sept 5, nasuspended ako, tpos lumabas ako nakipag kita sa mga friends ko, tpos nakilala ko si Amante. tpos na inlove na ako. tpos may nag Iloveyou too na rin sakin. bonga lng.

pero ito ang pinaka napapanahon. para sa apo ng sultan jan sa tabi tabi na itago n lamang natin sa pangalang mamaki..

"Of course I Like you, Its because I Like you I do wanna be with you. its a complicated emotion." - ALBERT BROOKS "Finding Nemo

bkit? coz the last i need ryt now is to fall in love again and be in a relationship. damn wag muna, wag muna bukas, wag next month, wag sa summer, wag muna!!! ayaw ko pa..or baka ayaw ko na!!!

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Nsa jip kmi ni brian pauwi wen Amante says its over. Its something im prepared to....ready for the worst....and parang wala akong naramdamang pain. i swear..parang nabunutan pa nga ako ng tinik. maybe becoz umiyak nko, and i askd for the strength that i need. anyways yun...tahimik lang kami ni dodong, i need d silence best. i dont have to talk, i dont have to say anything to justify my feelings at that very momment..basta kelangan ko lang ng katahimikan.

"its official, ala n kmi ni amante..."

i send dis txt to close friends..plain and simpple. yun lang...may mga nagreply to give me comfort and all...but all i need is silence. feeling ko namatayan ako ng isa sa importanteng bahagi ng aking pagkatao. and i have to endure it in silence, however, im too brave and nagdunonong dunongan n naman ako, or yet insensitive..in short, manhid.

as i write this entry, i can say that im a different person now. im sick and tired of the drama...ayoko ko din umiyak uli. i dont deserve to suffer, i honestly dont think i wud endure great pain or somethiing...kumbaga, im not that affected at all. di tulad nung naghiwalay kami ni leo, parang nasira ang mundo ko dat tym. nawala ako sa focus and all, pero ngayon, i dnt think so.

sa ngayon, single nko uli...and im gonna be very busy for the next days to come on losing weight and achieving the body i deserve. and i know it cud change d perspective on how i do my lifestyle here. ....yup, first project ko ang pagbabalik ko s gym. next is im gonna party and cruise hahaha im single anyway...i even stop wearing the ring amante gave me.

hmmmmmmm Sahid?

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Im afraid. to no avail i do wanna lose him. i love him now. i swear i do love him. its something that im proud of. i have learned to love and be loved. i know for a fact now that im a normal human being. funny thou, but yes...im in love with him..

and at somepoint of our relationship. bigla na lamang akong natakot na mawala ang Amante ko. something im not prepared to happen. and i still wish, up to this very momment...ahhh mahirap namn mag pitch na naluluha ka.....up to this very momment then that I realized the value of him. ung essence na merong kang minamahal, ung essence na mahal ka rin ng taong mahal mo...ung point na ramdam nyo ang pagmamahal. ....

"....wala sayo ang diperensya, nasa akin, ayoko na madamay ka sa kalituhan ko...sa mga problema ko..magusap tayo bukas..."

kung sa sales, ang tawag dito ay buying signal, i jz nid to probe more to have an affirmative answer or to have a definite YES.

pero sa txt sakin ni Amante, malinaw na gusto na nyang pagusapan namin ang hiwalayan thing. because it could be that..napepressure na sya masyado sa work nya, padagdag pa ako sa bigat...magulo lang ang isip niya...or simply put..our relationship is a BIG LIE!!!!

"maybe you deserve somebody else..napakabait mong tao, at masyado na akong nagiging unfair sayo..."

sinabi ko kay brian na im guilty as charged na nagkakagusto ako sa ibang lalaki. at si sahid yun. alam ni sahid na may gusto ako sa kanya. bestfriend ni brian si sahid. mas naging malapit kami ni sahid as friends by being honest to him about what i feel for him...and only last night monday, wen i had decided n kakalimutan kna si Sahid, not our friendship, but my feelings for him...alam din ni Sahid yun, its more like a Bday gift for Amante....

now the question is..Bakit ngayon pa?

masama pala talaga sa health ang masaktan..or even the feelings of masasaktan kapa lamang...or when you anticipate for something Bad.

sabi ko kay connie...ayokong kumanta ng Love will lead you back.

Amante, Im not gonna let you go. ipaglalaban kita. i know this is the time when you need me most.

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ayun sa Wikipedia...

"Arnel Pineda (born September 5, 1967) is a Filipino singer-songwriter and is currently the lead singer of the American rock band Journey.[1] Pineda has enjoyed a successful musical career in Asia for the last 25 years. His singing style was influenced by Steve Perry (once of Journey), John Farnham (Little River Band), Freddie Mercury (Queen), Sting (The Police), Survivor, Heart, The Beatles, Van Halen, Aerosmith, U2, Warrant, Deep Purple, and other bands along these genres.[2]"

JOURNEY WELCOMES ARNEL PINEDA
WITH “OPEN ARMS” TO THEIR FAMILY
AS THE BAND’S NEW LEAD SINGER

i love the song open arms...damn napapamura ako. hehe.

anyways..the early life of Arnel Pineda includes..

"Arnel Pineda was born in Sampaloc, Manila, in the Philippines. His mother instilled his love for singing at an early age, encouraging him to sing along to songs from her favorite singers like Karen Carpenter and Barbra Streisand. Growing up, his parents entered him in many singing contests..."

and...until

December 5, 2007 -- After much speculation…the wait is finally over.

JOURNEY--Neal Schon (guitar), Jonathan Cain (keyboards), Ross Valory (bass), Deen Castronovo (drums)--is proud to introduce fans all over the world to their new lead singer, Arnel Pineda (“pin-eh-da”). He replaces Jeff Scott Soto, who parted ways with the band earlier this year after stepping in for Steve Augeri, who had to leave the band in 2006 for medical reasons.

pero ten years ago, Arnel Pineda was indeed a recording artist...ito sya oh....

gold hair..kapal ng make up.. :P
i was even wondering..paminta ba sya before? lol

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Happy hearts Day..

hayyy Valentines day n nman. and as expected, ala pa din ang aking mahal na Amante. Hes still in Vietnam. haaayy i cant wait for hte 19th to come. pagdating nya nlng cguro kmi mag celebrate ng mga namiss nmin. which includes...

jan 10, - my 25th bday
feb 5, - our 5th month of loving each other
and now, feb 14 - valentines day.

I swear, this is the first time n hindi ako single sa Valentines day. however, ala naman sya sa Pilipinas.

on the other hand, alam ko namang marami kaming dapat isipin and iprioritize. this day actually serves more like a mask to cover up the stress. And im loving this...medyo excited lang naman ako sa mga mangyayari.

c Sahid. he makes me smile. Hes making me realize that being gay and out is not a hindrance to have a good friendship wid a straight guy. khit alam nyang may gusto ako sa kanya. sana lang wag akong ma inlove sa kanya ng bongga.

c Amante, what can i say about him. mahal ko ang tao. tamaan ka nga naman ng lintek.

happy hearts day sa inyong dalawa. happy valentines day sa lahat.....

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and most of all, ang si sahid. the crush of my life.( infidelity toink ) naman..super gusto ko itong friend ko na ito..and were friends talaga..but thats not the issue..ayun, nagbibigay sya sakin ng pera the time na kelangan ko. nahihiya man akong kunin, pero ayoko din maglakad at magutom...i swear, lalo akong humanga sa pagkakaibigan namin.

and bcoz of this tragic devastating pagkagutom ko ( wid brian as well)..napunta kami sa Acquire Asia pacific phils. hehe yup. panibagong paglilipat na naman. anyways its was a good Big risk. after all, kelangan ko ng trabaho..i have bills to pay, i have to rent to maintain every month and of corz, i have a lifestyle to maintain..chus!!!

sa acquire asia nakatrabaho ko uli si ate fong...sya ang nag reffer samin ni Brian. so sya ang kikita ng bonggang bonggang sampong libo sa refferral fee.

may mga nareffer din ako. they are willing to work here. the fact is, they are the one who asked me to reffer them here. so yun, sana lang kumita diin ako para mapalitan kna ang TV ko at makabili uli ako ng DVD player..damn miss kna manood ng PORN!!!

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dis monday, sasakay na ng barko ang aking kapatid. sa wakas matutupad na rin pangarap nyang maging marinero. bukas magbabyahe na dito sina Mama at Papa. nandito sila para sa Birthday ko dis saturday. Ansaya lang. pero wala pa rin ako sa mood mag celebrate. hehe

Kagabi, Jan 7, ay nag aaply nako dun sa call center were Lahlah worked. Puamasa naman ako sa mga bonggang kulelat na myembro ng HR at ung naginterview sakin. Ewan. basta sa Jan 19, magsisimula nako sa kanila. early bday gift hehe

mamimiss ko ang havenlink. maraming mga magagandAng nangyari sakin sa kumpanyang ito. marami akong natutunan. dito ko naranasan ang bongang bongang pagmamahal ng mga kaibigan na walang halong kaplastikan. although hindi naman lahat eh kasiyahan and all, pero talagang masaya ako sa ambiance dito sa havenlink. its just that i, or rather we need to move on.

6 working days na lamang ang ilalagi ko dito sa Havenlink. filing ko tuloy..ako si karyle ng lumipat sya sa dos. may mag iinterview din kAya sakin at magtatanong kung buntis ba si Marian Rivera..

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dont feel like celebrating.

ganto ako usually pag birthday ko. i feel the

opposite way than what is expected from me. ewan

ko ba. somethings bothering me...at eto na naman

ako.

umuwi ako samin for the holidays. nagbyahe ako ng

Dec 24 christmas eve, trying to make it b4 12

noche buena.10pm nasa amin nako, dumerecho nako ng

simbahan kasama ng mga pinsan ko.well, dats after

ko magmano sa papa ko, humalik sa mama ko at

sumubo ng isang platitong spaghetti. after ng

simbang gabi nako kumain ng marami.

Dec 25, maulan samin. actually maulan na daw tlaga

second week of Dec pa lang. nagkainuman kami ng

mga pinsan ko,mga tito ko and pati na rin

kapitbahay namin. everything seems fine, masaya

ang kwentuhan, may konting drama pero ok lang

naman. one thing that i noticed is ung may mga

partners ( bf/gf) and asawa ay kasama nila. sa

bahay kasi ni Lola kami nag iinuman. bigla kong

narealize, wala si Amante ng mga oras na yun. si

Amante ang aking partner, and suddenly, i feel

alone in the middle of my family. may oras na may

pinaguusapan sila and gusto kong sumigaw ng

pagkalakas lakas for them to notice me. i swear di

ako nalasing ng gabing yun kahit nalasing ang

aking katawang lupa, i swear alam at alam ko kung

ano ang nararamdaman ko..naiinsecure lng ba ako

kasi yung mga pinsan ko may family na, buntis ang

asawa or Gf, legal ang Bf...gusto kong sumigaw. i

tried to go with the flow of what is going on, i

smiled and answered their concerns..until di ko na

napigilan, naluha ako...and for the to notice my

tearswould be the worst thing on that night. so

umalis nalang ako. too bad, somebody did noticed

me..and assure me his support to whatever
decisions i made with my life. true enough hehe he

remains friendly at ginawa nya pa akong ninong sa

bunso nyang anak.

si binang ang bibong 1 year old na anak ni manoy

tony and flor. sila ang aming kapitbahay. si manoy

tony ang alaskador na nagiging anak na nila mama

and papa dahil siya na rin ang laging umaalalay sa

aking parents on our behalf. wala na rin naman

siyang magulang, malayo nman kaming dalawang anak

nila mama..so pareho lang napupunuan ang mga blank

spaces ng kanilang buhay..anyways, instant apo ang

batang si Binang. spoiled sya sa kina mama and

papa.i can see the joy in their eyes everytime

they are spoiling binang. dat little brat.

nagseselos talaga ako sa atensyon. then, came in

for the shock. Manoy tony, being the alaskador

that he is, jokingly says..

"magasawat anak kna kasi para may sariling apo na

si mama mo."

gggrrrrr

ano na naman ba ito? wat bothers me most was the

anticipation on my moms face for my reaction.

ewan.

this sat. ill be 25. i feel old. im not in the

mood to celebrate. ewan basta. bitter lang siguro

ako.

Ill be 25 this sat. pero ang eksena namin ng aking

kapatid sa bahay stays the same when we were still

kids. nagbibilangan pa din kami ng ginawa sa

bahay, kung sino ang nagwalis, kung sino ang

nagayos ng kama sa umaga, kung sino ang nag hugas

sa umaga, sa tanghali at sa gabi etc etc etc. at

one point, parang nabuhay uli ang ingay namin sa

bahay. i guess ganun na talaga kaming dalawa sa

gawaing bahay may katulong man kami or wala.

Ill be 25 this sat. pero si Papa pa din nag

nagluluto samin. di nila talaga ako mapagalaw sa

kusina sa pagluluto. kaya ngayong si Amante ay

umuuwi na sa pad ko sa gabi for dinner, wala akong

alam lutuin para saking mahal kundi ang adobong

tinuro sakin nila brian.

Ill be 25 this Sat. nagaaway pa din kami ng

kapatid ko sa channel na pinapanood. basketball

sya, MTV playlist naman ako. kapamilya sila,

kapuso ako...nothing had changed.

Ill be 25 this sat. may tentative date na para

sumakay ng barko ang aking kapatid. ako ay nasa

call center pa din. walang bilib si mama sa

trabaho ko. ayaw nya kasing nagpupyat ang kanyang

anak. or i guess di nya maintindihan ang nature ng

job namin. i cant blame her. no matter how i

explain, di nya pa din talaga maintindihan. gusto

nya magwork me for the government or anything

basta day job. ayaw ko naman kasi kahit papano

masaya ako sa work ko. i guess masaya ako sa call

center industry. depende na lang sa mga taong

nakakasalamuha ko.

ill be 25 this sat. but still, i dont feel like

celebrating. but dont get me wrong. masaya ako sa

buhay ko now. meron akong partner na mahal na

mahal ako. marami akong mga kaibigan na handang

sumuporta sakin. meron akong sariling buhay, im

the captain of my own soul..i pay for my own rent,

i pay my own bills, the clothes im wearing, i food

im eating, galing sa sariling kong bulsa. i guess

may napatunayan na ako. ito yung kayang kaya kong

mabuhay ng mag isa financially..but

emotionally...? no, dats anoder thing.

im a strong person. God loves me more than i

deserve. marami akong dapat ipagpasalamat. ang

aking nagiisang kapatid. ang aking mga magulang.

and yes..ang lahat na nagpapasaya sakin.

its 2009. yes another year, a new chapter. and i

guess, its more than enough reason for me to say

Im lucky ill be 25 this sat.

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Lee is special in my heart. I love him. We made a world only us exist. we both expressed so much intimacy and passion for each other. untill I almost noticed myself wanting for more. For him to be here as so i could have the chance to hold him, to kiss him in person. I miss Lee.

I used to have this blog. I soon noticed that theres this anonymous reader leaving comments on almost every entry. Later i realized, im having entry every entry intented for him, so i could again read what would his comment be, so we can exchange words once again. I miss Lee leaving comments on my blog.thou anonymous, i know its him.

Then I leave him my email add. we exchange emails almost evryday. expressing so much interest for each other, as this turns out that im later falling in love with him. I respect him much. so i give him my identity. atleast my picture so he knows what I look like. I thought that would stop him. I thought he would not like me. but i was wrong. Soon we continue to exchange love for each other, on how special he is on my heart. I miss Lee.

Untill such time that he stop sending letters. i dont know the reason why. maybe he find reasons why. Maybe he got tired of me. or maybe its so wrong to love some pathetic blogger on the other side of the world. maybe, someone else is making him smile..maybe somebodys loving him more than i could. someone who holds him tight, someone who kiss him passionately, someone, a very lucky soul who endure his unconditional love. If only Im dat someone. I miss lee so much.

Then, I meet Amante. we exchange love and life. were having a romantic relationship. untill such time that it no longer bothers me wether i receive an email from lee or not. Me and Amante also have each issues. to no avail, He has nothing to do with the feelings that i have for Lee. Lee is different. I can feel his love, as if its so real. Like everytime i have coffee, its as if the very same coffee that lee would make me each time i get out of bed. that everytime im cold at night alone in my bed, i would have my pillows to warm and comfort my lonely night, then ill think of lee. and im at peace once again, its like ill be waking up in the morning with Lee's arm around my body, that it would be his kiss in the morning that would brighten me up. Its as if its so real,i always stare at his pics before and after shift. I really miss Lee.

Then, last Monday, Nov 24. I receive a letter from Britain. Its a cxard actually. Its from Lee. and a picture of him. His cute gorgeous face, i was shocked. it was the biggest surprise that i have from him. This time, its a personalized card. a poem written for me. It was so sweet of him, im very much flattered i was in tears the night i sleep. i cant let go of what im feeling. I was so overwhelmed.

His card says:

Ernie

Ang pagibig ko sayo ay tunay.

The life that I have
is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that i have
or the life that I have
is your and yours
and yours

I will always love you

Lee x

Its christmas season again. I can only wish but for me to see him in person, for me to touch him. to feel his skin on my skin, to hug him, to let him know hes the best thing that love could ever offer me..because with him, I beleive in love again.

If only.....

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Nakilala na ng aking baby ang iba kong mga close friends. C Carlo and haya. Lumabas kaming apat last Sat night. nag malate kami.

its a night to remember.Bakit? kasi now lang ako naging proud ng sobra sa lover ko. and this time, no pretentions, no nonsense relationship. They gave me a two thumbs up for my choice. ahahhaa parang ngayon lang yata ako tumama sa mga nakarelasyon ko.

and now i can say..that..

the search is over, your with me all the while.

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