Cruises

I miss lee.

Lee is special in my heart. I love him. We made a world only us exist. we both expressed so much intimacy and passion for each other. untill I almost noticed myself wanting for more. For him to be here as so i could have the chance to hold him, to kiss him in person. I miss Lee.

I used to have this blog. I soon noticed that theres this anonymous reader leaving comments on almost every entry. Later i realized, im having entry every entry intented for him, so i could again read what would his comment be, so we can exchange words once again. I miss Lee leaving comments on my blog.thou anonymous, i know its him.

Then I leave him my email add. we exchange emails almost evryday. expressing so much interest for each other, as this turns out that im later falling in love with him. I respect him much. so i give him my identity. atleast my picture so he knows what I look like. I thought that would stop him. I thought he would not like me. but i was wrong. Soon we continue to exchange love for each other, on how special he is on my heart. I miss Lee.

Untill such time that he stop sending letters. i dont know the reason why. maybe he find reasons why. Maybe he got tired of me. or maybe its so wrong to love some pathetic blogger on the other side of the world. maybe, someone else is making him smile..maybe somebodys loving him more than i could. someone who holds him tight, someone who kiss him passionately, someone, a very lucky soul who endure his unconditional love. If only Im dat someone. I miss lee so much.

Then, I meet Amante. we exchange love and life. were having a romantic relationship. untill such time that it no longer bothers me wether i receive an email from lee or not. Me and Amante also have each issues. to no avail, He has nothing to do with the feelings that i have for Lee. Lee is different. I can feel his love, as if its so real. Like everytime i have coffee, its as if the very same coffee that lee would make me each time i get out of bed. that everytime im cold at night alone in my bed, i would have my pillows to warm and comfort my lonely night, then ill think of lee. and im at peace once again, its like ill be waking up in the morning with Lee's arm around my body, that it would be his kiss in the morning that would brighten me up. Its as if its so real,i always stare at his pics before and after shift. I really miss Lee.

Then, last Monday, Nov 24. I receive a letter from Britain. Its a cxard actually. Its from Lee. and a picture of him. His cute gorgeous face, i was shocked. it was the biggest surprise that i have from him. This time, its a personalized card. a poem written for me. It was so sweet of him, im very much flattered i was in tears the night i sleep. i cant let go of what im feeling. I was so overwhelmed.

His card says:

Ernie

Ang pagibig ko sayo ay tunay.

The life that I have
is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that i have
or the life that I have
is your and yours
and yours

I will always love you

Lee x

Its christmas season again. I can only wish but for me to see him in person, for me to touch him. to feel his skin on my skin, to hug him, to let him know hes the best thing that love could ever offer me..because with him, I beleive in love again.

If only.....

not anymore

your smile
your presence
your strong manly character
almost an epitome of my dying soul

i made it to like you
i made myself beleive
that i could care much if you only wanted
a blast of what seems to being there

an essence of almost loving
a quarter more for wanting yours next to mine
making my longings satisfied
oh yes i m indeed falling for you

then my phone rings
my better half is on the other line
his voice a realization of a total me flirt
i cannot make myself crave for more from you

not anymore
im sorry im committed
not anymore i have to stop
i chose not to break somebodys heart

come on and lets take a bow

There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved.

around 6.30pm October 14, 2008 nakalapag ng matino ang eroplanong sinasakyan ko sa Pandaigdigang Paliparan ng Ninoy Aquino, manila. hehe galing ako ng Iloilo. its my first trip out of town. Im alone on this trip. Alone and the only reason why im goin to Iloilo is because i wanna experience LOve. korni ko lang ano?

excited ako sa travel kong ito. mahahalata mo nman cguro dahil super kuha ako ng picture to something basta nakukuha ang interest ko.

ito nga pla ang aking plane ticket.

bago ako umakyat ng eroplano

Wilma doesnt was also at the Airport.

di naman cguro halatang take advantage ako sa location ko

Oct 10, friday cebu pacific flight 5J 459, terminal 3 NAIA bound for Iloilo. nakarating ako dun around 8.30. delayed ang flight. as expected daw wid the kind of weather dat day. Amante was there waiting for me sa arrival area..oh my, i missed him so much..sa kotse on the road, hindi ko magawang alisin ang aking kamay sa kanya. kissing him from time to time. feeling his presence.....cant beleive im right beside him.

dat night we had dinner on this resto sa dalampasigan. sa baybayin mismo sya, the resto is made of bamboo, na kung dumungaw ka, makikita mo ang alon mismo and youll realize nsa dagat kna pala. it was a romantic evening. he ordered seafoods for both of us. talaba and inihaw na pusit. naparami yata ang kain ko ng talaba kasi ansarap sobra. or maybe im just too overwhelmed kasama ko ang mahal ko. honestly it was our first dinner together.first dinner namin sa labas.

halos lahat ng importante sa buhay nya sa iloilo ay pinakilala nya ako. giving me a taste of what his friends are.i beleive one reason kng bakit, ay kung magugustuhan ba nila ako. sa tingin ko naman, nagustuhan nila ako, i behaved myself eh. haha

our first night together in Iloilo

ung isa nga convinced me pa na dun nlng mag work sa call centre. meron din naman daw tele tech dun among those call center institutions na lumalago dun. gusto kong isipin na gusto nya akong mag stay dun wid him for the longest time possible. kaso ayoko munang isipin na ganun. mahirap na, saka na siguro kung yayain na nya ako mismo. i would say yes. i will say yes.

nag side trip kami sa bacolod. first time ko din sa lugar, may Masskara festival dun.sa santimbuco hotel kami naka chek in. ok ang city, tahimik masyado. the trafic was moderate. friendly naman ang mga tao. and not to mention..ang kalinisan ng kanilang lugar.

one day lang kami sa bacolod. 6am tuesday ay nsa ferry na uli kami pabalik sa iloilo.may mga bisita sya ng mga trainors from manila, bein the regional director of the company hes working, he cant miss ofis that day so i opted to stay sa bahay nya para makabawi ng tulog. 5pm ang flight ko pabalik ng manila, sme airline. cebu pacific. sinundo nya ako ng kotse nya sa bahay 3.30pm at dumerecho na kami sa airport.

sa buong stay ko sa iloilo, yun ang pinaka malungkot sa lahat. he was driving his car, me on his side. were heading to the airport that means magkakahiwalay na naman uli kami....

cebu pacific flight 5J 458, october 13, 2008. around 6.50pm nkalapag na uli ang eroplanong sinasakyan ko sa NAIA airport. from airport dumerecho muna ako sa mega Mall to eat some dinner. then derecho sa ofis.

i miss him. but theres no comin back.

ive been throu a lot already. i did have enough share of pain, heartache and emptiness. but then, wes imply go on staying there, hoping for the change to come. hoping that yes, my love would lead him back to were we was before. and you bet..the feeling is damn all pain. and its excruciatingly damn hell i almost lost my job.

but a strong person that im always is, i know how to get over. at least only for a momment. and the next minute, its just still there, not even wanting to leave you, consuming your sound mind like that of a cigarrete eager to waste you at any time. heartache and being broken, or the loss of someone you greatly love is one of the hardest battle i had endured.

oh yes, i did love leo much more than he knew. but then again, the battle of surviving his loss was worth everything. because from now on, hes only someone that i used to love.

looking back to the days when you cant grip of your self, all too empty to make the right decision was like being born again. somehow i can see now this very momment that leo did just what is good for me. cool winds doenst make a fine sailor thou.

im stronger now. im not the foolish, submissive easy-go-lucky-i-love-you-person that would easily get too fast into love. I had loved him. it was indeed a beautiful love story for us. and then, after atleast 9 months, he choose to leave it all behind.

so i got no choice but to move on. and you bet its not that easy. it could have been easy thou. but then again...the love was genuine. too unconditional i was blinded. i always lok forward to that morning when my first thought would be not him. then i realize that i had already let him go as well.that may not be the first sunrise but i will go thru dat day knowing that my days wud be better.

and on that sunrise, Amante found me. theres so much promise to wait. and im ready to take i bite. and i am indeed.

October 3 to 6 sana ang sked ko ng pagpunta ng Ilo ilo, but then Amante is not available by October 3. may prior commitment daw sya. corporate affairs. He asked me to move my schedule n the next fri. i have no problem with that. its just that i cant wait to be with him na.

we frequently talk to each other. always keeping in touch. making sure that things are just fine with him. he sometimes call while driving. he knows i hate it. sometimes he would deny that hes driving but then i have ways of knowing. haha I guess i just know him well now.

Cebu pacific has its ongoing promo. i asked Amante if the fare matrix is ok. its already cheap, actually. very worth it. theres only one problem now. i dont have the cash yet. but i can always find ways.

there are a lot of things to consider on this trip. me bein adventorous can always relate and fit in myself. more of a survivor. maximizing kng ano lang ang meron at gagawin ang nararapat makaraos lamang.

wala akong masyado matanungan kng ano ang pwede at mga dpat kng ihanda. since ayoko munang ikwento sa aking mga friendship dhil it might give them wrong impressions. or basta...nag iingat lamang ako for Amante.

hindi ko pa din natatanong kay amante kung ano ba pwede namin gawin dun. over weekend naman sya eh,madami na sinabi si Amante, like we can go to Bacolod, we can go to Boracay or watever...but then, mas preferred ko kahit ano lang, pwede naman na sa bahay nlng kami.
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isa pa pla yung problema. nakatira si amante sa staff house nila. Regional officer sya ng pharma company, hawak nya maraming areas. pero nakatira sya now sa staff house nila. but hes already doing something about this. like hes requested already for a housing allowance so he could move out sa staff house nila. kya cguro pagpunta ko dun sana eh may bahay na sya.

is it a prerequisite ba?n dapat may bahay na sya? i dont know basta ang alam ko kelangan ko syang makasama uli kasi hes special. i wanna prove to him that i could love him more that what he is expecting. that its worth everything basta magkasama kami.

so basta dpat maayos kng ano pwede naming gawin pra alam ko din kng ano ang dadalhin ko.

ill just cross the bridge when i get there. as of now,. isa lang ang alam ko. eveything happens for a reason. kung ano man ang reason kng bakit ko sya nakilala, or what have we to share, it doesnt matter na. the langguage of love is spoken by heart. echuserang frog.