Living Abroad

sex is like drugs...you can say NO to it.

Last week was pretty rough for me. and this week was a bit of everything. I get moody sometimes, most is I feel the gooffy thing of being single. But in total, i cannot escape the awkward feelings of being alone. somehow, someway..i resort to this smily mask i wear almost every now and then. and the feeling just get too shitty the most part.

Last sat, my goal was to catch the sleep i deserve. like im ready to devour sleeping pills. not really minding if i will wake up again or not. I simply txted carlo that i need to be alone. maybe alone to the extent of being alone 6 feet under. yup, thats the dark side of me..i tend to be suicidal. and yes, i live alone. the heck of me.

The twist was, on the last minute of leaving the ofis, I and Dodong was invited to Giligans because our teammate passed the Nursing Board exam. Ok. we went there since weve never been to giligans. we had a couple of beers. i got intoxicated easily. good thing dodong was wid me, he balanced the uneasiness in me, i just dont know if hes aware of what hes done.

ok. we head straight to Dodongs apartment. There the usual sat drinking session is on going. ok. I was all smiles, having fun..being goofy all the time,. i dont wanna have the impression thatIm suffering a lot. well, i am. hey, I just have a break up.

my goal was be alone and catch a lot of sleep. but i was surrounded by my friends drinking, getting drunk and having it all stripped down to what seems a never ending free flow of red horse. then the next thing i know was its morning. Dodong was at my side. I passed out. I was tottaly drunk, and most of the time, i dont know what Ive done.

So? was I saved from those sleeping pills?

Yes. and tommorow is weekend again. Im just unsure what stupid things i can do to myself. the fog of uneasiness envelops me. Im just tired of being alone. maybe...

maybe im already a danger to myself. Prayer and my friends is my ultimate refuge.

this weekend was a surprise for me. andaming nangyari and it was such a storm. too good to be true, i cant beleive nalampasan ko ito.

this time naman para maiba eh problema naman sa pamilya ang issue. haha the usual kasi puro na lang sama ng loob sa pag ibig, or depression dahil sa love life. however, ang issue namang ito eh hindi na bago sa akin. pero this time, i faced this thing na may essence ng pagiging open minded at maturity.and nasolve ang problema ng walang masyadong aberya.

ang tanong, nasolve na nga ba?

saturday morning, masama na ang pakiramdam ng aking katawang lupa. kulang na kulang ako sa tulog. Friday morning kasi naidlip lang kami ni Carlo sa sleeping quarters tpos around 1pm eh gising na kami. inasikaso ko ang aking mga commitment. nakapag deposit ako sa BPI at Chinabank respectively to pay my respective accounts payables. after then, sinamahan ko si carlo sa Eastwest. mag CA daw sya. pumila kami ng matiwasay, haha and all the while waiting for our numbers eh pwede naman pla syang dumerecho na sa availble clerk. and di naman sya na grant kasi walang valid id ang palaka. Badtrip kya naisipang mag shopping.

sa robinson nilibot namin ang buong mall looking for something interesting for us to purchase. i ended up with a flip flops from People are people while he got his Bulgari perfume.

nagkahiwalay kami around 7pm na. ang pasok namin dat night is 10pm. madadagdagan na naman ng tatlong kilong eye bags ang mukha ko. sabi ko sige na, anyways last day of dialling na naman.

saturday morning, 9am pa lang eh natutulog nako. i was hoping for a complete rest. kahit 8 hrs man lang sana ng walang aberya eh sasaya na ako. kaso 4pm pa lang nakaramdam nko ng gutom. nakakatamad talagang bumangon. kaya i tried to catch more sleep again.

nagising ako uli arond 7pm. tamang tama para makapanood ako ng isang buong episode ng celebrity duets.

from the start hanggang sa ending, im all smiles. haha parang OMG what are they thinking...why are they there? and is this a singing contest or a custome show or a circus or what? ahaha too bad top 5 na lang ang natitira. hres what i can say based on my first impression for each contestant.

CELEBRITY DUETS!!!

Joey marquez - i love the song you sung. Father and Son is one of my favorite. and choosing Aiza seguerra to sing with is more of a statement. what i saw was a Joey Marquez hopeful, not the politician, not the host/comedian actor but the simple contestant giving his all to win the respect of the judges as the txt voters as well.

Carlene Aguilar - i thought shes a trying hard brat who uses her charm to win the competition, but hey, shes indeed good with her performance. haha natuwa ako sa kanya, ang ganda ganda nya. para siyang Maria Clarang napanood si madonna sa TV at pagkauwi ay ginaya ito para kay Ibarra. Very filipina indeed yet so gorgeous. she somehow justifies he performance. add to that was Katrina Halili who makes it like a showdown of beauty and grace. never mind the voice, they both can carry a note.

JC Buendia - ang ganda ng number mo.ang ganda ng japanese costume, ang ganda rin ng sayaw, ang ganda ng pagkakakanta mo, masaya ring kaduet si Allan K. pero parang naagaw yata ni Allan k ang limelight. hehe i know you can do better than that.

Bayani BF Fernando - sandali, i thought CELEBRITY duets ito? hehe i can see you like a rose among the thorns, or the thorns among the roses..your personality stands out. i can see my uncle in you when you sing. however, this is a competition. somehow i feel like your using the show to improve your popularity as 2010 elections is near.

Phil Younghusband - whats up dude? admit it your gay.. your performance was a disappointment to me. come on dude you can do better than that. at least carry a note, or give acknowledgement to Ms Eula Valdes. and with Ogie Alcasid having your shot for the judges as if hes a gay brat whos in love with you..its a statement that your sissy as well. and when you jump after receiving a good remark..dude thats very gay. anyway your sexuality is not my business. i wish you luck. your already a winner and your so hot.

at natapos ang celebrity duets na nakangiti ako. somehow nabawasan yung bigat ng dibdib ko, at gutom na ako at walang gagalaw para sakin kundi ako lang.

after kung kumain nakatulog ako uli. 3am na naman ako nagising. gusto ko sanang manood ng dvd pero tlagang gusto kong matulog.

sunday, sa pad ni harry ako nag lunch. after namin kumain eh nag dvd marathon kami kunwari. di pa halos vtapos ang isang movie eh tulog na namn ako.

4pm umuwi nko ksi darating ang aking kapatid para sa pera nya. humihingi ng allowance dahil walng wala na daw sya. ok no problem.

daot pa rin sa pakiramdam. feeling ko tuloy ansama sama kong tao.nagsimba ako sa shrine. i was expecting na late na ko for the masspagdating ko doon i hve the impression na di pa nagsisimulaang mass.yun pala eh final blessing na.

dumerecho ako ng makati. nakipag kita ako kay Eric and Ate fong. nagtagay kami ng konti, ng malasing na si eric eh hinatid na namin si ate fong. at natikman ni eric ang isang bagay na alam kong matagal na niyang inaasam.i hope he enjoyed it.or atleast manage to like it.

monday 7am ng ako ay nakauwi.

minsan i wonder, does time also travell by itself..? or does it simply submitt itself to what humans do.? or maybe as time goes by....so as change is.

matagal ko nang pangarap magka billboard ng sarilil ko. something to be proud of. but then, due to some restrictions hehe hindi pa napapanahon. maybe in the near future siguro. but the power of computer.. the internet in particular had this dream a realilty. haha

eto cguro ay matatawag na aparisyon. hahaha

bka iwanan ako ng mahal ko sa pinaggagagawa kong ito.