Philippines

Dumating na si Amante ko dito sa manila last sunday from Iloilo. He told me to expect him at 6.45pm. He arrived at 7.30. I was worried. damn worried because the weather is not that good. inaatake na naman ako ng mga What if's. nakakatakot but I managed to stay Calm.

second tym kong pumunta sa Airport na iyon, and this time..its a different thing. i'm not leaving Manila because Hes the one whos coming. Ansaya lng sa pakiramdam when my phone rings, caller ID says "baby ko"..sa wakas nakalapag na rin sila.

Sinundo rin sya ng isa sa mga product manager nila na dito sa Manila naka base. Binigyan na agad ako ng instructions habang papalabas sya to be discreet daw. ok. no problem. papalabas na sya whid his luggages and ol, gusto ko man syang salubungin ng yakap, ipadama sa kanya na sobrang namiss ko siya..but then, hindi pwede. may lugar at oras for that.

sa kotse, from the airport hanggang sa townhouse..never na bumuka ang bibig ko. i was like the invisible among the visibles..(hehe ano yun)!!!hanggang sa makarating kami, hanggang sa maipasok na lahat ng bagahe nya, then eventually he turned on me, give his best smile. and yes for the first time i did felt i was now part of the scenario. saka niya ako niyaya na lumabas na as his friends are expecting him sa Sm North edsa. Akala ko masosolo ko na siya. hindi pa pala.I promised to treat him over dinner. Ok. Patience is a virtue.

Nasa Seattle's Best ang kanyang mga kababata. They were like friends since childhood or way back old school days. Ewan. In one way, nagselos ako kc sabi niya kelangan nya magpahinga later kc hes preparing for the big day daw by monday. I did insist or making parinig bago pa sya lumipad papunta dito sa manila. ok he got my message, at sinabing im giving him a lot of pressure. syempre ayokong ganun maramdaman nya. so ako na lang ang mag aadjust. i have nothing against it. kelangan ko siyang intindihin. mahal ko baby ko eh.

Dun na rin kami nag dinner. habang nagkukwentuhan, halos di mapaghiwalay ang aming mga kamay. For the first time ive noticed how intimate he was when holding my hands. wala syang pakialam kung sino ang makakita. so what if two bald men where holding hands sa coffee shop. at yung area namin eh malapit sa sakayan at babaan near d entrance sa supermarket. yes, dats were Seattles Best is located. wala nang pakialaman. what matters is were feeling each other, physically and emotionnaly.

almost 10pm na nang nagpahatid sya sa townhouse. dumerecho na rin ako sa pad ko after. i felt na kulang, but deep within me i was thrilled and again im overwhelmed with love. however, stupid of me i expect too much. only now i understand how this promotion means a lot to both of us. yes, hes bein trained for the promotion kaya siya nandito sa manila. our relationship is in perspective. im too damn lucky i have him.

tommorow were having our dinner. magluluto ako ng adobo for him. sana malaman nya na ngayon lang ako magluluto. that all my life, ang alam ko lang iluto ay itlog, longganisa, pritong isda ( most of the time sunog or di luto ) at maginit ng tubig. Since mahal ko ang babay ko, super effort ako sa pagtatanong kung papano mag adobo. sana magustuhan niya.

mahal na mahal ko ang aking baby. Hes every little thing i ever wanted. ang aga lang ng pasko at new year ko. Aga ng putukan. hehe

Shower scenes never fails to amaze me.

okay!! nanalo si Obama. go. sabi nila nanganganib daw karir ng mga kol centre agents dito sa pinas. ok!

at eto pa!!!

California had passed the propposition no. 8!

OuCH!!!

okay! so nanalo ang YES vote for Proposition No. 8 sa California. nakanang..eh ano nlng ba ang mga homosexuals ngayon? second class citizen? damn...napapamura naman daw talaga ako...!!!

No one, and no One has the right to dictate anyone about what is proper in love, sex and marriage per se. When did it become okay to legislate morality? and hu dictates morality?

i thought pa naman, when the State of california supreme court passed the Same sex marriage, kala ko ito na ang simula.

Hay.

I got this sa Perezhilton.com.. on the entry Melissa Ethridge Shouldn't have to pay Taxes.

----"Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.----

for more info visit www.perezhilton.com

i wanna leave them all behind. well, not tottaly. gusto ko nang umalis, asikasuhin sarili kong buhay.prepare this old age thing. but i just cant.

i cant buy the things i wanted to even if i have the money, my hard earned money because i have to prioritize my family.

so i just cant.

i wanna go to this place because i just had this commission. instead i would rush to the bank because i have to prioritize my family.

so i just cant.

i was talking to my cousin this morning. i told her should Amante ask me to stay or rather move with him, i would say yes.

she said, i just cant. i cant, yet. i have to think it a thousand times more.

i wanna leave it all behind. im not bein impulsive with my decisions.

im just getting tired of what im having right now. im tired of this daily routine. im tired, burned out, unproductive and getting too messed up. what worries me most is that i might do something stupid taht could hurt those i love the most.

and when im into this mode, i have to really prioritize. st aside my life, and count my blessings!

1.) i have a career. its not promising, the company is ( nalulugi na)..the employees here never experienced appraisal. we never did. no salary increase at par. the management team, and sad to say, those who are really competitive, did manage to move on and leave this comapny. and me? uim still here, holding on..because i just cant risk resigning and wake up having nothing at all.

so i just cant resign. not yet.

2.) i do have a bachelors pad. which im paying the rent every month religiously. i live alone. i dont have a roomate. i do have the liberty to do what i feel is gud for me. i can go home anytym i want, i can sleep and be very lazy if i wanted to. I can invite people to my place anytime with no one to think of. And this is dependent on the kind of job im havin.

so i just can't leave this. not yet.

i'm just wasted, burned and tottaly exhausted. exhausted from all the pressures im havin. and im not really interested in anything yet. im losing focus. and i need some time off.

i just wish things would get better.

not anymore

your smile
your presence
your strong manly character
almost an epitome of my dying soul

i made it to like you
i made myself beleive
that i could care much if you only wanted
a blast of what seems to being there

an essence of almost loving
a quarter more for wanting yours next to mine
making my longings satisfied
oh yes i m indeed falling for you

then my phone rings
my better half is on the other line
his voice a realization of a total me flirt
i cannot make myself crave for more from you

not anymore
im sorry im committed
not anymore i have to stop
i chose not to break somebodys heart

come on and lets take a bow

if theres one thing i would regret if ever your name come across my messed up brain, its when you somehow occupied my longings. its when i start to appreciate this friendship, making the foolish me want you...and i was like caring for you the other way no one would dare.

and you asked me if i like you. i said yes.

i do have a boyfriend. i love him much than i did for you. our love is a celebration of life.

but we are far from each other. somehow, my heart longs for some1 who is always there. whom i always see. ..unfortunately, its not my boyfriend but it was you.

and we talked about this. and i settled my part, i am in sound mind. i know were to put my self. i dont expect from you. i never did assume anything. i simply practice the honesty to oneself. that i must not keep myself from caring for you from afar..

afar thou your so near.

or maybe i guess, i cared too much, i flirted too much, i almost love you.

and as i chose to leave all these behind, i found some place in my heart thats aching. i only wish i have d guts to walk away and forget about what we had..but i just cant..but i i know i have to, and im pushing all my nerve to do dis...and when i do, he wont come after me..

and i guess thats what hurts the most.

i never thought caring and liking for someone be this painful.

i made my choice. i made up my mind. should you act like i dont exist anymore, so be it. that would be better. that would be fine. sahid that would be fine.

anyways, my heart belongs to Amante.