A Travellerspoint blog

may trabaho ka

rain 21 °C

pumunta na uli c Amante for Vietnam. Balik nya sa 23 of this month. Request daw ng companya sa vietnam were hes currently working on a certain project. ok fine, so wala sya sa birthday ko dis saturday. both of us were saddened by this thing but its something we cant control. so kahit na medyo may sakit pa sya, dumerecho kami ng airport last wednesday nyt, hinatid ko sya. pagpauwi ko, sa taxi pa lang ay bonggang sinisipon na rin ako. nahawa na ako ng kanyang sakit. ok lang, masaya naman kami pareho.

dis monday, sasakay na ng barko ang aking kapatid. sa wakas matutupad na rin pangarap nyang maging marinero. bukas magbabyahe na dito sina Mama at Papa. nandito sila para sa Birthday ko dis saturday. Ansaya lang. pero wala pa rin ako sa mood mag celebrate. hehe

Kagabi, Jan 7, ay nag aaply nako dun sa call center were Lahlah worked. Puamasa naman ako sa mga bonggang kulelat na myembro ng HR at ung naginterview sakin. Ewan. basta sa Jan 19, magsisimula nako sa kanila. early bday gift hehe

mamimiss ko ang havenlink. maraming mga magagandAng nangyari sakin sa kumpanyang ito. marami akong natutunan. dito ko naranasan ang bongang bongang pagmamahal ng mga kaibigan na walang halong kaplastikan. although hindi naman lahat eh kasiyahan and all, pero talagang masaya ako sa ambiance dito sa havenlink. its just that i, or rather we need to move on.

6 working days na lamang ang ilalagi ko dito sa Havenlink. filing ko tuloy..ako si karyle ng lumipat sya sa dos. may mag iinterview din kAya sakin at magtatanong kung buntis ba si Marian Rivera..

Posted by umbre 05:26 Archived in Philippines Tagged events Comments (0)

ill be 25 this sat

jan 10 1984

overcast

happy new year. ill be 25 dis sat. i feel old, i

dont feel like celebrating.

ganto ako usually pag birthday ko. i feel the

opposite way than what is expected from me. ewan

ko ba. somethings bothering me...at eto na naman

ako.

umuwi ako samin for the holidays. nagbyahe ako ng

Dec 24 christmas eve, trying to make it b4 12

noche buena.10pm nasa amin nako, dumerecho nako ng

simbahan kasama ng mga pinsan ko.well, dats after

ko magmano sa papa ko, humalik sa mama ko at

sumubo ng isang platitong spaghetti. after ng

simbang gabi nako kumain ng marami.

Dec 25, maulan samin. actually maulan na daw tlaga

second week of Dec pa lang. nagkainuman kami ng

mga pinsan ko,mga tito ko and pati na rin

kapitbahay namin. everything seems fine, masaya

ang kwentuhan, may konting drama pero ok lang

naman. one thing that i noticed is ung may mga

partners ( bf/gf) and asawa ay kasama nila. sa

bahay kasi ni Lola kami nag iinuman. bigla kong

narealize, wala si Amante ng mga oras na yun. si

Amante ang aking partner, and suddenly, i feel

alone in the middle of my family. may oras na may

pinaguusapan sila and gusto kong sumigaw ng

pagkalakas lakas for them to notice me. i swear di

ako nalasing ng gabing yun kahit nalasing ang

aking katawang lupa, i swear alam at alam ko kung

ano ang nararamdaman ko..naiinsecure lng ba ako

kasi yung mga pinsan ko may family na, buntis ang

asawa or Gf, legal ang Bf...gusto kong sumigaw. i

tried to go with the flow of what is going on, i

smiled and answered their concerns..until di ko na

napigilan, naluha ako...and for the to notice my

tearswould be the worst thing on that night. so

umalis nalang ako. too bad, somebody did noticed

me..and assure me his support to whatever
decisions i made with my life. true enough hehe he

remains friendly at ginawa nya pa akong ninong sa

bunso nyang anak.

si binang ang bibong 1 year old na anak ni manoy

tony and flor. sila ang aming kapitbahay. si manoy

tony ang alaskador na nagiging anak na nila mama

and papa dahil siya na rin ang laging umaalalay sa

aking parents on our behalf. wala na rin naman

siyang magulang, malayo nman kaming dalawang anak

nila mama..so pareho lang napupunuan ang mga blank

spaces ng kanilang buhay..anyways, instant apo ang

batang si Binang. spoiled sya sa kina mama and

papa.i can see the joy in their eyes everytime

they are spoiling binang. dat little brat.

nagseselos talaga ako sa atensyon. then, came in

for the shock. Manoy tony, being the alaskador

that he is, jokingly says..

"magasawat anak kna kasi para may sariling apo na

si mama mo."

gggrrrrr

ano na naman ba ito? wat bothers me most was the

anticipation on my moms face for my reaction.

ewan.

this sat. ill be 25. i feel old. im not in the

mood to celebrate. ewan basta. bitter lang siguro

ako.

Ill be 25 this sat. pero ang eksena namin ng aking

kapatid sa bahay stays the same when we were still

kids. nagbibilangan pa din kami ng ginawa sa

bahay, kung sino ang nagwalis, kung sino ang

nagayos ng kama sa umaga, kung sino ang nag hugas

sa umaga, sa tanghali at sa gabi etc etc etc. at

one point, parang nabuhay uli ang ingay namin sa

bahay. i guess ganun na talaga kaming dalawa sa

gawaing bahay may katulong man kami or wala.

Ill be 25 this sat. pero si Papa pa din nag

nagluluto samin. di nila talaga ako mapagalaw sa

kusina sa pagluluto. kaya ngayong si Amante ay

umuuwi na sa pad ko sa gabi for dinner, wala akong

alam lutuin para saking mahal kundi ang adobong

tinuro sakin nila brian.

Ill be 25 this Sat. nagaaway pa din kami ng

kapatid ko sa channel na pinapanood. basketball

sya, MTV playlist naman ako. kapamilya sila,

kapuso ako...nothing had changed.

Ill be 25 this sat. may tentative date na para

sumakay ng barko ang aking kapatid. ako ay nasa

call center pa din. walang bilib si mama sa

trabaho ko. ayaw nya kasing nagpupyat ang kanyang

anak. or i guess di nya maintindihan ang nature ng

job namin. i cant blame her. no matter how i

explain, di nya pa din talaga maintindihan. gusto

nya magwork me for the government or anything

basta day job. ayaw ko naman kasi kahit papano

masaya ako sa work ko. i guess masaya ako sa call

center industry. depende na lang sa mga taong

nakakasalamuha ko.

ill be 25 this sat. but still, i dont feel like

celebrating. but dont get me wrong. masaya ako sa

buhay ko now. meron akong partner na mahal na

mahal ako. marami akong mga kaibigan na handang

sumuporta sakin. meron akong sariling buhay, im

the captain of my own soul..i pay for my own rent,

i pay my own bills, the clothes im wearing, i food

im eating, galing sa sariling kong bulsa. i guess

may napatunayan na ako. ito yung kayang kaya kong

mabuhay ng mag isa financially..but

emotionally...? no, dats anoder thing.

im a strong person. God loves me more than i

deserve. marami akong dapat ipagpasalamat. ang

aking nagiisang kapatid. ang aking mga magulang.

and yes..ang lahat na nagpapasaya sakin.

its 2009. yes another year, a new chapter. and i

guess, its more than enough reason for me to say

Im lucky ill be 25 this sat.

:)

Posted by umbre 23:54 Archived in Philippines Tagged family_travel Comments (1)

ano nangyari...?

overcast 18 °C

tear.jpg

its been a awhile since ive updated my diary. andaming nangyari..mostly nakakalungkot..kokonti lang masaya. pero ang masaya, as in masaya naman talgang maitututring.

nawala na yung campaign na dinadial ko. good point kasi i can move on na. its time for me to have a new campaign, masyado na akong burn out sa AE. on the bad side of this, nalipat ako sa SP.com ayaw ko sa mga taong naghahandle ng sp.com. ayaw ko sa campaign. mga kaibigan ko and all, nasa CLEC campaign. pano naman ako? ewan..i feel betrayed and insulted sa pag draft nila sakin sa SP.com..para ala silang pakinabang sa mga nabigayko sa kumpanyang ito. ewan!!!

may lumabas na chismis na magsasara na daw ang kumpanya comes the end of this year. di ito malabong mangyari kasi transparent ang management na lugi nga ang kumpanya. pero isang malaking kasinungalingan daw ito. this is just a black propaganda for a company on the verge of bankruptcy. hmmmnnnn

Nung tuesday after shift. maghapon magdamag nagwala si harry kasi naghiwalay na sila ni princess. to the ppoint na maraming naistorbo, napuyat, nainis, nalasing, at nawalan ng pasensya, at nagmura!!! natuwa ako kasi naghiwalay na sila. nanginig ako at naiyak sa galit ng malaman ko ang pinaggagawa ni princess kay harry. nagalit ako ng sobra dahil gusto pa din ni harry makipagbalikan kay p[rincess. Tae na nga c princess.. binubogbog na nga sya nito, inuubos ang pera, pagkain, respeto at pagkalalaki..but still gusto nya pa rin makipagbalikan sa kanya. this time, nagagalit nako kay harry. nagsalita na ako ng di maganda, nagmura na ako, ayaw ko ng makialam pa kasi baka di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko makagawa ako ng isang bagay na di angkop. hay...mag christmas pa naman.

heart.jpg

nasorpresa naman ako ng dumating ng mas maaga ang aking baby from vietnam. umalis sya for vietnam last dec 3, he is on a business trip. malungkot at medyo may thrill ang pag alis nya, kasi maraming pwedeng mangyari. putik nakikipag balikan pa si jonald the time na nasa vietnam sya...buti na alngh i stik to my promise na si Amante lang.

kaso, alam nya na hinintay ko sya, pero mas inuna nya mga kaibigan nya instead...well, kasi nasa balintawak sya at ako naman ay nasa Pasig. ang friends nyanasa caloocan. mas malapit nga naman ang caloocan. wala pa daw syang car. ewan...all is fine na samin uli. simple lang naman ang issue. isang halik lang, go na un.

Love.jpg

Xmas na uli..grabe naman ang pressure sakin. andaming demands. pero nawawala ang stress ko financially kasi nabili ko ang chuck taylor na gusto ko. nakakasuot nako comfortably ng slim fit or skinny jeans....sabi nga ni carlo, napaka simple daw ng kaligayahan ko..Oo naman. simple lang akong tao. mas kailangan ng mga mahal ko sa buhay ang pera ko.

Posted by umbre 05:55 Archived in Philippines Comments (0)

If only...

I miss lee so much.. I will always love you.

I miss lee.

Lee is special in my heart. I love him. We made a world only us exist. we both expressed so much intimacy and passion for each other. untill I almost noticed myself wanting for more. For him to be here as so i could have the chance to hold him, to kiss him in person. I miss Lee.

I used to have this blog. I soon noticed that theres this anonymous reader leaving comments on almost every entry. Later i realized, im having entry every entry intented for him, so i could again read what would his comment be, so we can exchange words once again. I miss Lee leaving comments on my blog.thou anonymous, i know its him.

Then I leave him my email add. we exchange emails almost evryday. expressing so much interest for each other, as this turns out that im later falling in love with him. I respect him much. so i give him my identity. atleast my picture so he knows what I look like. I thought that would stop him. I thought he would not like me. but i was wrong. Soon we continue to exchange love for each other, on how special he is on my heart. I miss Lee.

Untill such time that he stop sending letters. i dont know the reason why. maybe he find reasons why. Maybe he got tired of me. or maybe its so wrong to love some pathetic blogger on the other side of the world. maybe, someone else is making him smile..maybe somebodys loving him more than i could. someone who holds him tight, someone who kiss him passionately, someone, a very lucky soul who endure his unconditional love. If only Im dat someone. I miss lee so much.

Then, I meet Amante. we exchange love and life. were having a romantic relationship. untill such time that it no longer bothers me wether i receive an email from lee or not. Me and Amante also have each issues. to no avail, He has nothing to do with the feelings that i have for Lee. Lee is different. I can feel his love, as if its so real. Like everytime i have coffee, its as if the very same coffee that lee would make me each time i get out of bed. that everytime im cold at night alone in my bed, i would have my pillows to warm and comfort my lonely night, then ill think of lee. and im at peace once again, its like ill be waking up in the morning with Lee's arm around my body, that it would be his kiss in the morning that would brighten me up. Its as if its so real,i always stare at his pics before and after shift. I really miss Lee.

all_together_now.jpg

Then, last Monday, Nov 24. I receive a letter from Britain. Its a cxard actually. Its from Lee. and a picture of him. His cute gorgeous face, i was shocked. it was the biggest surprise that i have from him. This time, its a personalized card. a poem written for me. It was so sweet of him, im very much flattered i was in tears the night i sleep. i cant let go of what im feeling. I was so overwhelmed.

His card says:

Ernie

Ang pagibig ko sayo ay tunay.

The life that I have
is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that i have
or the life that I have
is your and yours
and yours

I will always love you

Lee x

Its christmas season again. I can only wish but for me to see him in person, for me to touch him. to feel his skin on my skin, to hug him, to let him know hes the best thing that love could ever offer me..because with him, I beleive in love again.

If only.....

Posted by umbre 07:12 Archived in Philippines Tagged cruises Comments (0)

Dis is my Diary

sunny 30 °C

Dis is my diary. my digital diary. Whatever I feel like writing, sinusulat ko, whatever i feel like saying, sinusulat ko. Diary ko ito. Diary na pwedeng basahin ng kahit na sino. However, its still my diary.

Nakilala na ng aking baby ang iba kong mga close friends. C Carlo and haya. Lumabas kaming apat last Sat night. nag malate kami.

its a night to remember.Bakit? kasi now lang ako naging proud ng sobra sa lover ko. and this time, no pretentions, no nonsense relationship. They gave me a two thumbs up for my choice. ahahhaa parang ngayon lang yata ako tumama sa mga nakarelasyon ko.

and now i can say..that..

the search is over, your with me all the while.

Posted by umbre 07:26 Archived in Philippines Tagged gay_travel Comments (0)

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